Can't Love The Hood

20 | Pick The World Up

|King Jackson|

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days are the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I'm cursed, so never mind
And it's worse, but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller, and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a nigga
~ Lil Wayne

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After the questioning, the attorney my mother hired got me freedom considering they had no liable charges against me for me to be booked. I took that shit and ran with it, hopping into my mom's car and heading back to the house with her. My mood was all types of fucked up and I didn't know how to feel about the situation with Angel.

Within a short time period, I honestly think I was starting to really care about her, just to be deceived. I sat in the car with my head leaned back on the headrest of the passenger seat, my face frozen into the solid, cold expression that I couldn't shake away. How could she do this to me?

"Baby, what's bothering you?", my mom asked, grabbing my hand in hers.

My mother was my fucking cinnamon apple and she could read me like the inside of a three paged book. I looked at her and felt like my chest was caving in. I haven't felt this feeling in a long ass time and I wasn't trying to feel it again.

"Ion' want to talk about it.", I mumbled.

Leaning my head back, a single tear slipped from my eye and hit my hand that was resting on the door. Crying wasn't some shit I did. I didn't cry when my dad was placed in the pin, I didn't cry when I seen Michael laying in that hospital bed, and here I am crying over Angel.

"King baby, you're crying.", my mother said, attempting to wipe away my second tear.

I moved my head away, and wiped my face using the back of my hand. Today was not the day for all this emotional shit, but I really just don't know what to do with myself.

"I'm sorry.", my mother stated with sympathetic eyes.

"I can't be strong no more ma. I can't do this shit.", I blew out a sigh before running my hand down my face.

Her grip on my hand increased as her eyes began to well with tears. My mother and I always shared that bond where if I was hurt, she was hurt. She felt my pain like no other and I wouldn't be surprised if she already knew what was wrong with me.

"Baby, you have to understand that life isn't always peaches and cream. Things are hitting the fan right now, harder than ever and sometimes, it's okay to cry and let things out. Just tell mama what's wrong.", she questioned.

I let out a deep sigh and looked into her beautiful eyes. Out of all the shit I've been through, she's held me down through it all. Ain't no female got you like ma dukes and I've come to my senses about these scheming ass hoes. A bitch can't do shit for you.

"I'd rather not talk about it.", I stated again.

She nodded her head and kissed my cheek slightly before buckling her seat belt and pulling off. I leaned my head back and rested it on the passenger seat as I tried my best to clear my mind. Weed couldn't even shadow all the shit I was feeling right now.