Prankster on the loose. (Justin Bieber)

Chapter 14 "The urge"

It's been a week since me and Justin are together. I understand, that I push him away a little bit too much, but what would you do in my case, when you don't know what is happening, what are you feeling? I bet you would be confused too. I kinda of like him, but then I don't like him. I've been thinking about this a bit too much.

Justin- he's actually the first thing that pops in my head when I wake up, before I go to sleep, he's just on my mind all the time and there's no escape for that. I do get these weird feelings in my stomach, the lumps in my throat, but on the other hand I feel like he's just a friend and it should stay like that. Of course, I feel way more that I like him, but I don't know. Ugh, this is so hard.

Liking him would be a mistake.

All of my past flashed back, how I lost everyone I got close to. Every time I got so close and started loving them, they would disappear.

Maybe I'm afraid to admit to myself that I really like him? Because I'm just afraid that I'll lose him? Thinking of this reminded me of Justin. How charming his smile was, how dreamy his eyes was, how warm were his hugs, how sweet and caring he was, how good he always smelled, how perfect his body was. I tried to notice flaws, but failed, because that was just impossible. He had no flaws.

That was the solution, I need to tell myself and admit, that I do have feelings for him.

I wouldn't have to deal with all this, if I wouldn't of felt sorry and agreed to be with him. What was I thinking? Maybe it's time for him to know the truth? I realized, I did like him, but if something happens, it'll happen slow, I'll try to make it slow. I don't like things happening fast, and then he'll just go away and leave me as fast, as things happened.

I understand, that it will hurt him, but I had no choice. If I wanted to take such a big step, I had to be honest firstly. I got up from my bed, in my sweatpants and sweatshirt, in a messy bun, with n o make-up with no care in the world.

I walked into the boys' room. "Hey Chaz, Ryan. Is Justin in his bedroom?" I asked, pointing to his bedroom. "No, I think he went to get you something," Chaz answered. I nodded and went back to my room.

I jumped in my bed. Okay so, first attempt totally failed.

Suddenly, there was a knock on my bedroom door. That scared the living hell out of me. "Come in," I said. And guess who? Justin.

I quickly jumped out of my bed, "Justin uh, hey, uh, I wanted to talk to you." "I know, guys told me, but first of all, these are for you." He handed me a bucket of red beautiful roses. I gasped. "They are so beautiful, I love them." Justin opened his arms to hug me, but I held him back, "before that, I need to tell you something important." I looked down on my feet. This is going to be tough.

"You know, Justin, I haven't been truly honest with you." "I know, all you've done is pushed me away." "Yeah, about that..." "Looks like you don't even know what a relationship is," Justin blurted out. "Excuse you? And you're mister.I know everything?" "No, you just don't push people away, when you like him and are a couple." "I know, that's why I wanted to talk to you." "Have you ever had a boyfriend?" Justin asked. "Okay, what is your problem? Not everybody is going to be all over you and fuck you then and now. Deal with it. You want a basic bitch, go to a strip club or where ever, I don't know where such idiots are. You think, you're going to teach me what a relationship is?" On this note, I got a bit mad.

"I don't want any other girl, I want you. And uhm, uh," he stuttered, but seemed to be afraid to say. "Wow, Justin, you're so not selfish and self-centered. For the first time, I did think you don't have only fame written in your head, but boy, was I wrong."

"I'm not like that, just forget it. What did you want to tell me?" "You know what, it doesn't matter anymore, if you think I'm so dumb, go and find someone 'smart'." "It does care, now tell me." Justin hugged me.

I took in a deep breath, "at first, I didn't really had developed a crush for you. I liked you like a friend. Then you asked me to be your girlfriend. Since, you said you liked me, I saw you always down, so I somehow felt a bit sorry and said yes. And the past week, all I did was thinking. And I realized I like you now, so yeah..."

"So basically this all was you faking, while I was falling harder and harder for you?" I looked at him, trying to search words. I didn't know he felt that way, it just surprised me when he said that. Honestly, I wasn't expecting anything near this. "I enjoyed the time we had, I got to know you a bit better, but I like you now, so that's what matters." "I fucking fell for your lies and all your shitty sweet talk." "I'm sorry. Everybody makes mistakes." "That wasn't a motherfucking mistake, that was on purpose." "You know what," I pushed myself towards him and kissed him. I had no idea what came over me, but it was passionate. He kissed back.

I pulled away, "did that prove to you, I do have feelings?"

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