How The Sun Rises

11: How to Have Fun

I remember I always used to wonder how to have fun. Not the reckless behavior that sends your adrenaline pumping and gives you a feeling of exhilaration. The innocent kind of fun, where it doesn't really matter that you aren't out doing crazy things. All that matters is you're surrounded by friends, and that in itself is enough.

I remember I always wanted to have that kind of fun with someone. That kind of fun where I was hanging out with friends and even though we weren't doing anything spectacular, we were still having a blast doing it.

After Mitch and Sahil drove off, I never made it to the school's administration office. In fact, I didn't even leave the school parking lot. I stopped short when I saw Jackson crouched down beside a tree, hiding behind a row of cars. It was a dumb idea considering how angry he looked, but still I wove in and out of the cars until I made it to the far edge of the parking lot where Jackson sat seething.

"What?" He barked out, not bothering to glance up to see who had approached him.

I jumped at the tone of his voice and bit down at my lip. "A-are you—"

Jackson's glare faltered at the sound of my breaking voice, but only for a second before he turned his head completely away from me. Then, quite suddenly, he dropped onto his butt, breathed a deep sigh, and rubbed his hands over his face, tugging at his dark curls as he let out a muffled groan.

"Sorry," he sighed into his hands and I gaped at him.

I couldn't even begin to guess what had happened to make him so. . . Stressed. But the sight of it bothered me. He was always so collected – well, most of the time anyway. Even upon the rare occasion he was upset, or actually expressing any other emotion, he still had an air of control about him. Control over what he allowed others to see and what he wanted kept hidden.

But in that moment, Jackson just looked exhausted to the point of being lost. The slump of his shoulders, the curls pulled in every direction, and the wrinkled clothes he usually kept in pristine condition. He looked completely and utterly defeated.

And the sight made me sick.

So, without even properly thinking about it, I snatched his hand and yanked him upwards to his feet. He looked at me with a confused frown, but didn't say a word nor make any move to stop me in my getaway across the parking lot. I was practically running, the destination being the bus stop two blocks down the street. Where the courage came to ditch school, I didn't have a clue. All I could think about was how to remove that look on his face. That expression which revealed he had no clue what to do – that he wasn't in control.

Even I couldn't stand that feeling.

"We're going to have fun today," I blurted as we sat down at the very back of the bus.

When Jackson didn't say anything, I peered at him through the corner of my eye. He was frowning down at me, biting at the inside of his cheek. Something I had come to realize was a nervous tick – which made me wonder just how anxious of a guy he was considering he did it almost all of the time.

"What fun?" He finally asked.

I grinned and kept on staring straight ahead, "Halloween is coming up, right?"

From beside me I could feel Jackson go still. He knew exactly where I was taking it, so I didn't bother trying to hide it.

"We're going costume shopping!"

I was practically bouncing in my seat from excitement; holidays were my favorite time of year. And while Halloween was one of my lesser favorites – for the obvious reason of me being a bit of a scaredy-cat – I loved dressing up as someone or something else. There was a sort of thrill in being able to become someone else, if not for just one night.