Bellarke. To be forgiven

Everything

The day comes on earth, on earth. I can't believe that, all change. Actually I grew up on earth. With them. With my people. I discovered what's what they call love, Finn, Lexa, and at this game, I also discovered that I can't win against the death. When I go, death also goes. But in another way my people was safer with me. The question is, who's my people. Who am I? All change, I love a women, I think, I know nothing at all about me anymore
. I survive, that what we have to do if we don't want to die on the ground. I Will survive everywhere, the death is not an option, even with Lexa gone. Today, I feel this thing in me, which the main spirit of the old earth call hope, I think, I hope peace will come a day, to my people, to the ground, and to me.
-Clarke, I hear. 
I open my eyes, since I live here, I often practice meditation. And he doesn't understand me.
-Bell, I didn't hear you knocking.
He laughs.
-Because I didn't, I was hoping you'll be awakened.
I smile to him, he knew what I was doing before he introduce him in my room.
- So what do you want Bell?
-We need you.
-Like always.
-If we want to live, like you said, you must help.
He walk a little bit more in the room. His feet chock the floor hardly.
-Stop! I yell.
-What's the problem with this room ? Clarke!
-It was Lexa's room.
-And, I know you liked Lexa, but she's dead. I can help you, like you did with me.
-No...
I stand up... And walk toward him.
-This is where there is a problem: I didn't like Lexa, I loved her.
He stare at me, smile me, and then look at the floor.
-I knew that, he whispered... I can help you to reorganize your life.
-You can't, I scream, beginning to cry.
-Of curse I can, oh Clarke, we've been throughout so much things.
I find him so loyal to what we say: Together that's what to did, that's what he want me to do.
-And you know what, I don't ask you, if you want my help or not. I impose you mine.
Fine. Bellamy still be helpful with me.
-Come on, Clarke. We are gonna die soon, we need to speak. Stop crying.. Can I enter?
-Sure, I accept and he seat on the bed of Lexa, I seat near him.
-You told me ... I mean you learned me that we need each other's.
I try to stop crying, he's right. I need to be strong! I can't live like this. No one is going to follow me, to believe me as a leader if even my mind doesn't obey me. Who's gonna to obey me ?
-And you learn well. Then I smile to him.
-So tell me.
He looks at me, with a weird face, this dangerous person he uses to be is going to change for the real Bellamy. The one he is with me.
-What ? I ask painfully.
-Explain.
I stand up suddenly.
-There is nothing to explain. She loves me to soon and I love her too late. And I couldn't protect her.
-But you can't protect everyone! He yells.
-That's what I do. I save and I kill.
-You can't saving without killing.
-That's the question, Bell !
What am I doing. That's ridiculous. So now I'm angry against Bellamy.
He stand up,ready to leave the room, and finally say:
-So you know what Clarke. Next time try not to miss it...