If I were to forgive all you’ve done, where would I be? On the floor, perhaps, wondering why I’d done it. I know I shouldn’t, I know I can’t, but am I strong enough to resist the one I know so well? I know you’ve done so much that is unforgivable.
I know you don’t deserve to be forgiven.
I’ve watched you rip, from me, my very soul. I’ve watched you slip behind my guard, find my heart, and tear it out, in painful pieces of who I was. I know that if I was on fire, you’re the one who lit the match, and placed it to me, so I burn. I’ve watched you, though a mirror, take a knife, and stab it though my back.
I’ve pretended not to notice, and that was my mistake.
You think if you smile, and pretend, I’ll just forgive, forget all you’ve done. I can’t forget it all. This time I can see though your lies, and it breaks what’s left of my heart. Tears you shed, I know they’re fake, and just another form off lies in the game you play. I don’t want to play your game anymore, and I don’t want to watch you win, again.
This time my soul is the cost, and I don’t want to pay.
There are a million words on my tongue, but they become stuck in my throat. I don’t want to live without you, but I know I must. Truth hurts, and oh how true I know I must. Truth hurts, and oh how true I know this statement to be. Wounds from things you’ve said, and done, still gape open, and bleed, from raw flesh. I’m helpless to fix these wounds, I need, but I know I can’t accept, your help. You’ll tear them further, and I’ll cry from excruciating pain, just from knowledge that it’s you.
Scarred, battered, bruised, and broken, from things you’ve done to me.
A moment’s peaceful breathe, means nothing when you can’t breathe deep, and feel the peace. I can feel myself suffocating under the wave of guilt, and pain, making it impossible to breathe. Peaceful, I laugh at the word, for all I feel is the opposite. I feel a stab to my chest with each breathe I take, and I can’t see the knife you hold over me.
Bring it to my heart so my next breathe, shall be my last.
Hear that bird, could it be a mourning dove, to follow me to the other world, or is it just a shallow bird chirping away so merrily. I envy that bird, which has no worries, and feels no pain. I envy the clouds in the sky, as they pass in a dreamy haze, from the wind moving the ever strong pine trees. Nature holds a peace, and serenity, I’ll never feel, never understand, and always reach for.
That is what will truly be our end.
