It's 5:45am and I roll over and slap my alarm clock to stop the beeping.
Wait, I think. Today's Tuesday..the 27th..I have to go back to my living nightmare. School.
I get up and take a shower. I cut last night..which really wasn't too long ago because I only fell asleep about 3 hours ago. The cuts sting as the hot water runs over them. I can't help but stare at them. This might sound a little weird, but I like looking at them on me. It just reminds me I can stil feel and I'm not completely dead.
I get out of the shower and brush my teeth. It's 6:09 now. I put on an old grey sweatshirt with blue worn out jeans. I leave my hair down. I have nobody to look good for, so honestly, I just don't care. I sit and get the rest of my things ready.
It's 6:27 now.
I get my shoes on and stare at them for a bit. They're black and blue. They're pretty worn out. They're dirty. But I've learned to deal with what I have and not ask for more.
I sit and read a book for a little bit. I check the time every few seconds to make sure I don't miss the bus. If I did, I would have no other way to get to school. I really don't want that on the first day of school, although people could care less if I was there or not.
It's 6:42.
I grab my bag and head to my bus stop.
I get there, and I stand there. There's about 7 people at my bus stop, including me. I stare at the cement.
"Why are you wearing those shoes? Haven't you had those, for like, what? 2 years?" A kid asks me, breaking the silence. Everybody stares at my shoes, noticing how crappy and worn out they are. I feel myself start to get red.
"N-no..Not that long. Like one y-year.." I say. My voice barely came out. I sounded like a mouse.
"Well, God, get some new shoes."
The bus comes and I walk towards the back. Everybody stares at me, some people laughing.
"You're fucking ugly, damn!" One kid shouts.
"You're wearing some pretty shitty clothes. Obviously you're poor."
"Ew."
I get to the back and there's one spot left. A boy's sitting in the seat. I hesitate, but just sit down. He's probably like the rest. I'm getting used to it. Not that it doesn't hurt, but yeah, it's happening a lot. He looks nice, but you never know.
"Why are you sitting here? I don't want you sitting by me. You're gross." And yep. Just like the rest. I don't say anything though. I just sit there, listening to everybody saying what they have to say about me, to me. It hurts. I'm on the verge of tears. I would cry, but I don't want to give them the satisfaction of making me feel like shit. I'll just cry out my pain later.
We get to school and I go to my homeroom. Mrs. Monytaach, room 1432. She teaches English. My first block of the day. I go into the classroom and she tells everybody where to sit. I sit in the second row from the back by a girl named Sarah, she's one of the populars. I instantly feel insecure as she walks to her desk. She has a thigh gap. Her eyes are bright blue and she's blonde. Her skin is flawless. I just wish I was like that.
