I used to think it was so cool. Softly exhaling a cloud of worries, blowing away effortlessly with the wind as you cradle the cigarette in your hand. Now I only lean against the school wall like an idiot, waiting for someone to convince me to quit. But no one ever did, or will. They all just walk past me, and ignore me like the idiot I am. And frankly, I don't blame them. I'm just the type of loser that even if you has the chance, you wouldn't want to know me. My days consist of sleeping in class, getting hammered and smoking . I don't have any friends, and I am constantly accused of "wasting my pretty face." that part is true, too. I usually don't bother dressing up for school, because there is no one to dress up for. I usually saved everything nice for going out, and my sloppy clothes and dark, smeared makeup for school.
It has only been 5 years that my parents have stopped bothering to care about me, and more recently stopped acknowledging me. I'm 17 last month, and a junior in high school. sometimes people get extremely shocked at this, because of my 'mature' features. I try to avoid school when I can, but can never find a good enough excuse to leave and loathe myself. I don't have anything to do outside of school anyways, so I usually just end up sitting in the park a few blocks away. its quiet, sometimes a bit ominous. Which doesn't bother me. I actually enjoy it. I find myself quite attracted to darker things. when my parents actually used to care for me, they used to comment on it all the time, and sometimes even try to do something about it.
I exhale the last breath of nicotine my cigarette could give, and stamped it on a bench and started heading for the bathroom inside. once i looked at myself in the mirror, i realized that i didn't look half as bad as i thought i did. my eyeliner only smeared on the top half of my lid, and my hair only knotted up a bit. i shrugged and started back for class.
" oh, is see that miss congeniality has once again blessed us with her presence." Mrs.Smith mockingly waved her arms over her head. i pushed out a harsh laugh and found my way to my seat. i dropped my bag and slouched down, almost dozing off already. Mrs.S continued on with her lesson, but i just zoned out. my thoughts were still somewhat relevant, and i ended up dozing off after a while.
