Adam and Eve Rode Their Dinosaur to Church
More than one Intellijunt Dezine?
The first law mandating the teaching of creationism – now euphemistically called “Intelligent Design”- has been passed; and in Tennessee, of course, home of the famous Scopes trial of 1925. Often called “The Monkey Trial”, it is well known in historical, religious and legal circles; not to mention literary ones, as the basis for the famous play by Jerome Lawrence entitled: “Inherit the Wind”.
The “Fightin' Fundies”, as I always call them, are Evangelical Christians, who I know well. Having been an ordained minister with the General Council of the Assemblies of God for years, I know how they believe, feel, think and operate. Evangelicals take the Bible seriously. In fact, they believe that it is a factual account of the creation of the heavens and the earth. For centuries nobody challenged the Biblical account of creation. Then somewhere around the time that we refer to as the Renaissance, things began to change. A new fangled thing called science began to emerge to challenge the ancient creation story.
For centuries, the fight was about the nature and operation of the universe. The Catholic church suppressed science by force, arresting, torturing and executing anybody who challenged the Biblical account that the earth was flat, and that the sun spun around it on a predictable daily trek. Those battles are long over. Now even the Catholic church and fundamentalist Protestants acknowledge that the earth is not the fixed center of the universe.
However, the current battle, begun by Charles Darwin with the publishing of The Origin of Species in 1859, opened up a new can of worms for the literalists to feast upon. This is the battle that is still raging in places like Tennessee. This has nothing to do with the creation of the universe; the sun, moon, stars and asteroids, but of man himself.
Evolution. The unanswered question is: was man created in an instant on the sixth day stark naked in a garden with all sorts of great plants and animals all around, or did he evolve from lower life forms? For the most part, science has answered that question. He evolved. However, all over the great US of A and around the world there are millions of dunderheads who genuinely disbelieve this. They are desperate to believe the Biblical account told in the book of Genesis. Man was created out of the dust of the earth and woman from one of his ribs. Although the story is so galactically stupid, believers cling to it like grim death because if they admit it is just a myth, the next question arises immediately: Well, if that is just a story, what else in the Bible is untrue? That question is just too hard for them.
Somebody has to draw a line in the sand, and at present, this is it. We all know the story. The earth was created six thousand something years ago, was populated by human beings who all lived hundreds of years each and were destroyed in a flood. Then two of each animal spices repopulated the earth. Here comes the rub. Science. Within the last hundred plus years geology, paleontology and anthropology have posed totally new befuzzeling questions for Biblical literalists. What about the fossil record? What about dinosaurs, and the evolution of non-human spices? Well, that is science, and the fundamentalists have declared war on that “tool of Satan”.
Since the Monkey Trial, when it was illegal to teach evolution in public schools in Tennessee and around the rural parts of our great land, science has completely trumped religion in the collective mind of all but the “true Christians” who will have none of it. When I was an evangelical minister, I saw the problem. But I also saw what was coming, namely, the symbiotic relationship developing between the Republican party and the massive evangelical voting block. For the past thirty years their mutual back scratching has won elections and now that they are joined at the hip and finish each others' sentences,
the Grand Old Party is beholden to the fundies in many ways, including passing legislation adjudicating their religious proclivities.
The new requirement that intelligent design be taught along with science as equal in public schools is a perfect example. Although the hyper-rich, corporate Republicans and the Country Club Republicans
know it is a pile of crap, they need the religious kooks to maintain power, so they go along with their insanity. The real problem is in the classroom, where young persons K-12 must be taught that the Biblical myths are in fact a viable substitute for pure science. I saw that this inevitability would simply lower the level of science teaching nationwide at some point and further erode our standing in the world community at large.
But lately I have been thinking of a novel “out of the box” idea to counter and dilute this absurdity. One thing I know, the religious right Christians are not the only show in town when it comes to stupidity. I have a proposal. It is kind of revolutionary. Okay, I suggest, let them teach creationism in science class. However, Oh, BTW, there exist more than one creation story! And they deserve equal time as well.
Then I had this idea - this flash in the middle of the night. I jumped up and googled “creation myths”. There are thousands! There are Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Muslim, African (in their hundreds), Greek, Roman, Norse, and of course Native American. I asked myself: “Is the biblical myth any better than any of these?” What makes the American right wing think that theirs is the only account of creation worthy of teaching alongside science? I think I can already hear the cacophonous scream from churches across the country. In fact, I think you don't have to strain too hard to hear the thud as the “Christians” in their millions shit one massive collective brick.
I know what this is called. It is called “Christian privilege”. The arrogance of American Christians is unbounded. They don't just think or believe that their religion is superior, they know it. They are right and everybody else is wrong. They were always taught that theirs is the one and only true religion. Well, I hate to burst their bubble, but the Muslims, for example, also know that they are right, and that if the Christians get to teach their creation myth as science, Mohammed will most surely demand equal time.
To tell you the truth, although I personally don't have a dog in this fight, I would certainly buy a ticket.
