As I listen to those sad,depressing songs,and I realize that everything used to be so easy. Everyone used to be so good in my mind. These are the songs that got me through everything last year.I think back on it, and i really wonder, "Why didn't I take my life?" Something stopped me and I'm not sure what. Everyone despised me...I was lonely and so done with everything. But I held on,and it got better...Well,not exactlt,but I found some of the best friends anyone could ask for. I look back on all of my.memories,if I had my parents in my life now,what would be different? Was my brother always more important in the end?They act like he's the best,because he's like them. He does drugs,drinks,etc. I'm not sure how to feel about him anymore. I really do hate him...but is that rude to hate your own brother? Well,he used to best the crap out of me several times, and would call me rude names all the time. I don't feel like that's a good brother :/ all I have ever wanted is a good family,with older siblings and loving parents. I guess I just can't have that...I had this step family, that had loving older brothers,but it was hard for me to fit in. I finally did and got really close,only for them to leave. I miss one of them like crazy...But I ruined that bond :/ But its whatever I guess,I'm still lonely here,but it will be ok...I haven't started cutting and that makes me feel good.I wonder if it helps the pain inside though....I won't start,because its terrible to do and I never want to start it :( I feel really bad for the people who do,because I want to help them somehow, but I just can't. Its funny,I don't cry myself to sleep anymore,but I'm still empty inside...I don't know what to do anymore. Summer is coming,and I'm not really excited about that :/. Its just going to be a long, lonely three months :/. But oh well, school will come again soon :)
