The Last Prayer

Chapter Four

Chapter Four

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When I was in first grade, my family suddenly decided to move. Actually, it wasn't sudden, they had been planning to move from the small suburban town for several years, they just never told me. Surprisingly, I was a very energetic and confident child back then. I had many friends and making new ones wasn't hard at all, just as it is for any child that age. However, when we moved, the confidence and energy I once had dissolved into nothing. The thought of being the new kid in school was much too overwhelming for my puny first grader mind. It took my most of the year to finally adapt to the people and the school. However, even then I still shivered in fear when walking into the building. Ever since then, my confidence hadn't boosted. Besides the confidence that comes with maturity, there was nothing, nada, zip, zero.

That year, I made few friends, Halima, a boy named Elijah and another girl named Anastasia. Halima was well known within the school, popular actually. Everyone knew her name and liked her, what was there not to like anyway? Elijah was a bit of an outcast, similar to me. He was short and kind of chubby, with jet black hair and pretty eyes. Anastasia was a regular kid; not popular and not an outsider either. Her height was similar to mine, but she was stick thin with honey blonde hair dull grey eyes.

These were my first friends; a small group of kids that were nothing at all alike. I liked the idea of putting out differences apart and promising to communicate and cooperate with one another. Our friendships were real, and eventually lasted through elementary school and deep into middle school. Ethan moved away in eighth grade and Anastasia was swept away by the cheer team. We all stayed in touch and continued to call each other friends, even though the connection was lacking. The connection between myself and Halima had never broken, fortunately. We had our several fights but despite that, we still managed to tolerate each other. I made several friends along the years, some left some stayed. In the end they were all acquaintances that ensured that I wouldn't be lonely. It might sound a bit selfish, but it was a legitimate reason to keep some friends. Making new friends was a hassle, you'd have to introduce yourself, tell them enough about you to make them think they know a lot, and then entertain them so they don't end up leaving you the next year. Friends came and went, that's why I tried my hardest to stay close to my family and closer friends, like Halima. Despite that, I still was distant and reserved. I had so much to tell but not enough audacity or courage to say the things, so I just kept quiet.

Nonetheless, keeping your feelings bottled up is dangerous, no matter how good it feels to not tell other people. Memories will slowly take over your mind, and before you know it, you become completely engrossed with the past. We are taught to leave the past alone because we cannot change it, but it's not that we want to change it, we want to forget it; yet we can't forget at the same time.

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Life was great. I was invited to birthday parties. People wanted to make me feel welcomed and comfortable. I really appreciated their efforts. It was kind of nice being the new kid for a while.

Elementary school ended being one of the best years of my life, little did I know the bliss of being a child would end right when I walked through the doors of the junior high. Compared to my tiny body, the school and its inhabitants were enormous. It was like the ceilings and tall walls would swallow me whole.

I kept to myself most of the time I was in junior high, made a lot of friends, met new people that changed my perspective on many things. Junior high wasn't as great as we were told, they lied. They never told us about the constant bullying, or the loud crowded halls, or that the white kids ruled the school. Back then, I didn't wear a headscarf. My was frizzy and messy so it had to always be pulled back into tight braids. One time, this boy pulled my hair saying that it was "fake" and that I was really "some bald headed bitch". It hurt, but I tried not to let their words get to me.  Another time, this white boy asked me if my hair was real. It was really infuriating, so literally five months after the school year began, I started wearing the headscarf. It was like God's rays of sunshine had finally decided to wash over me. The people who had teased me began to respect me. It gave me a sense of honor, and for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful.

The school year trudged on and seeped into another year. We were the leaders of the school; the big kids. It felt good to know that there were people who looked up to you.

Soon, my goal in life was no longer to fit in and be pretty, it was to prosper in my studies and become a beacon of hope for young girls. My last year of junior high began with a bang. I started studying politics and gained new interests. I began art again, I was becoming the new and improved Alfiyah Idris.
Not many people realized my sudden change in personality, but the ones who did were amazed at how quickly I transitioned. Due to the many night spent painting landscapes and sketching, dark circles formed beneath my eyes. The study of politics made me realize how bittersweet and horrible the world was, leading to me becoming a cold and even more reserved person. They say its possible for someone to fall asleep believing in something and wake up believing the opposite. I remember Halima telling me quit talking about politics all the time, she would say that there are better things to look forward to in life, that I shouldn't ponder on the mistakes of other people. This was the year I stopped being called Alfiyah, and started going by Fiyah.

 My last year of junior high was horrible, the year I became a new person, the year I almost lost my closest friend, the everything changed.

I had a new perspective on things and I was glad about that. I started thinking more about the future than the present. Instead of spending my nights in art, I spent them letting my idealism absorb me. I laid there, daydreaming about things that would never happen. False hope.

Hope is something like a flame in the depths of us all. It smolders in times of anguish, and in times of prosperity, hope is forgotten. All throughout my life, I had hope that I would become a great person. The idea of everyone being capable of great things was long instilled into my heart and mind. It's true, anyone can do amazing things, as long as they put their minds to it. And that was exactly what I did; I began high school on a positive note. My ninth grade year was okay. my tenth grade year was so-so. My eleventh grade year was eh. My senior year was hell. 

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Heyyyy! So sorry that this chapter was short, it was really just a filler chapter, and the next few will also be fillers but hopefully they aren't as short. I'm having some writers block, and I want your opinion on whether I should elaborate on the high school life more, or should I just skip to their college life??? Don't forget to comment, vote and follow!

-Sumi