Every Breath You Take

                                                                                                            Every Breath You Take

"Every breath you take, every vow you break every claim you stake every smile you fake, I’ll be, watching you."

                                                                             ~

                                                                          Ash

And I didn’t follow her; I said I would but then I saw her shivered bones, she didn’t want me too.

 It killed every single bone, every nerve, and every single cell in my body to watch her walk away. She was my drug, the most intoxicatingly dangerous drug I had ever indulged in.

She left but there was still more to be said, words still to be spoken but they couldn’t be defined in something as simple as speech. No, the sense of sound was just not strong enough to hold such emotion, even now I still can’t help but question how one could possible express such an emotion. I sit up and think until I am physically ill about what the outcome would be if I had a brain and followed her. There was something about her, it started off simple and grew madly out of control. She changed and I wish she told me why, she grew self observed, ignorant and shallow. But I never stopped loving her, not once.

In a simple world it would have been easier to forget her, set every grain of salt she threw at me on fire, watched with my own cold dead eyes as she turned to nothing. But that would be nothing but lies because I would still fight for her. She wasn’t a drug you could replace; it wasn’t as simple as just finding a new dealer, though at times I find myself guilty in wishing that were the case.

As much as it kills me to think never mind accept the fact that those days are over, those long summer days where nothing else mattered asides her and I, we’d laugh and tell each other all types of stories which at the time we grew to believe. I have no other choice but to force myself to accept it, but I still don’t regret any of it.

Regardless of all the pain that still haunts my every move, as much as her absence screams at me every second there are still those rare moments of light, those moments when I can feel her, when I can still sense her breath in my ear and her fingers laced through mine. Those rare moments when I still feel loved, for every wrong crime I have committed. And not many people can say that, I mean I am somewhat proud to say I can. That in those moments of darkened light when her absence screams at me I can say that I have loved another with everything inside me and that I have been loved, although it’s gone, at least I have felt that kind of love once right?

                                                                                        ~

                                                                                   Savanna

He would never know, maybe that's what killed me deep down. If only it was possible that one could kill me. All the things that hadn't killed me... Now I truly wish they had. Does he ever think of me anymore? Well, I prayed deep down he did. The thing was; I'd never stopped watching over him after that day when I walked away. He thought it would be the last time he ever saw my face, I told myself it would be the last time. But I can't keep away.

How the hell can I move on?

 Time had no limit anymore for me anymore; yet every second I watched him as he continued the life I longed to be in, felt like it was fading ever so slowly away. That I was going to die... Which was impossible. No silvery metallic blade could pierce this very heart of mine, yet his fading love for me was that very blade. He was giving up...

I watched him sleep, I watched him eat, I watched him live. All without me. He promised it would never be this way. How could I expect him to keep that promise? To him I was as good as dead. To myself, I was nothing. Hollow. Empty. Alone. Trapped.

Sometimes he'd suddenly stop, only ever occasionally though. His face would be void of any emotion; so I could never tell exactly. But I would hope that in that moment, he thought of me. How cruel was I? Inflicting this pain? He had to move on. His heart was still beating. Yet I almost forced him to remember me. Just watching him sometimes made me think that I was still effecting him by being near him. Yet he never saw me either... I was being cruel to myself. The only one in pain was me. But I deserved it all....

I may no longer be myself, but I still have a grain of humanity left. My heart breaks every time my mind drifts to that night where I left, and he didn't follow me. I break down slowly. My new eyes may see more clearly than before, but I cannot cry. Yet if I was able to, these very eyes would produce enough salty tears to make an ocean. I didn't regret a second of the past. I cherished every moment I'd had with him. How was I supposed to survive this eternity of misery without him? Watching as he grew older; fall in love with another and marry before growing old and dying peacefully beside her. I was alone. My memories are my only companion; his voice ringing constantly in my head. Yet even his voice and those very memories were fading away.

Truth was; I was stuck. Stuck, drowning in the sea of my forever churning misery. Yet I would never stop loving him, not until the world finally ended.