Thin As Bones

How it all begins

I am staring in the large wall mirror in the corner by by bed. With only a sports bra and boy shorts on. All that appears in the mirror is me. All there is, is the large thighs and large stomach. And so I suck in to try to make myself appear thin. I just stare at my face, I have long brown straight hair freshly shampooed, very little freackles, parcially tan, and I also have blue eyes People say I'm flawless, amazing, beautiful, and some say perfect. But no I'm far from those things. But I don't believe what they say. But the only thing that I do actually believe is when people say I'm large or to big etc. My mind is actually a scary place, the things I have gone through I hate. But there's a saying, " what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." its suppose to be a inspiring quote, you can say it is but what does kill you and makes you stronger is what battles you have gone through. I have gone through a 9lot but it made me stronger.

But the things that  go on in my head currently is, you need to loose way more weight
Looks like your still the pig they called you in school
Not good enough
Fat. Fat. Fat
You can loose more weight

I began to tear up and then I walk into my room. Quickly I put on a t shirt and brush my hair. I lay in bed for 20 minutes and I am still not asleep like usual. I go by my desk to go get my sleeping pills and then within minutes I'm passed out in a deep sleep.

( I'm out on the swings and a group of kids walk up to me. They all start to chant " lily is a piggy oink oink " I continue to sit on the swing and more and more kids decide to join in on the "fun" there is just bystanders wondering what is going on. I run into the schools bathroom and start to cry. I whisper to myself " don't let them get to you " )

I awake and I start to cry because those words still stick to me everyday. Yes I try to loose weight but I end up giving up. So I thought to myself, all of those models in the magazines they are so thin, and beautiful. But I'm not thin like them so that means I'm not beautiful. I ran into my moms closet and found all of her magazines containing thin models and or weight loss tips.

I am flipping through the magazines and I see the very thin girl. You can faintly see her ribs while she is standing with her arms parshly behind her head. She is wearing a thin lace violet dress with these white with lace slippers. She looked so beautiful, I then grabbed scissors and cut out the model for inspiration. I did the exact same thing with over 20 other pictures of girls I found beautiful or very thin. Half of my bedroom wall is filled with pictures of models and weight loss tips. My room is actually small, there is a small desk in the corner, right across from it is my small bed and then next to my bed is a night stand and my dresser. All the furniture is white and the walls are a light gray. You can maybe fit another bed but it would be tightly packed in the room. When I get up from my desk I stand to view my new feature to my room. The whole wall was just inspirational to me in many ways. If I want to look like them then I gotta work hard.

I go onto my laptop and look up  "weight loss tips to be very skinny" I found these skinny girl diet plans. It is you need to eat this many calories a day no more defiantly less. Most if them are around 100-600 calories a day and it is for 60 days. It also says to excersie when you have any spare time and for at least a hour a day. I had looked up the results for the diet plan and there is real results if you stick with it. For example there was this girl at 129 pounds and she actually did the diet. The girl is now 112 pounds. which means I know I am at 116 pounds and if I do stick with the diet and do at least one hour of exercise then who knows I could be at 100 pounds. This time I will stick with this new diet plan, and I will not cheat, nor give up. I notice this black little journal in the corner of my eye. Its this little book no large then the Samsung s4. And so it is travel size, very convenient. I grab the journal along with a pen. I begin to write down.

6/15/15

Current weight: 116 pounds

Goal weight: 100 pounds

To be continued