ALEXANDER FEARS

I

I get it that moms usually have their own sense of right and wrong, what's best for you and what is not.

But when I said that I wanted to chill and be on 'cloud nine', I didn't mean to literally be on clouds. But heck if your mother is a goddess, I guess there will always be that 'be careful what you wish for' moments waiting for you around the corner.

In my case, waiting just around the clouds.

My name's Alexander Fears and I'm a demigod. And while I was trying to narrate the unfortunate escalation of my mom's sense of humor, I was literally falling from the sky, like, hands all flapping and legs all kicking and trying my best to become the world's idiotic-looking superman with nothing but red comic-superhero boxers and a throat-parching scream.

If only I had a phone on the moment I'd take a picture of myself then send it to twitter or instagram with the justwokeuplikethis hashtag with matching winky emojis, which was true since I had literally woke up before I found myself plummeting to my apparent death. But to my experiences, tech things only attract more famished chimeras than hunk-hungry cheerleader followers.

And I was doomed.

I found that if I had to survive I needed an intercession of all deities in the universe. I loudly prayed to the Olympians, the Romans, the Sumerians, the Mayan, even to Buddha and even to the pope but dang, I guess the hotline had to be busy. Or maybe my mom's just planned this all though out and perhaps they were somewhere laughing their butts off at me.

I screamed for the next forty minutes that I soon found it boring. I was not good in math but I thought there would still be another twenty minutes before my happy face ker-splat on the un-sorry face of mother earth.

So I decided to just take my time falling. But even the insignificant god of chilling and slowing down (if there was any) didn't want me to relax on my dying moments.

So I just cursed a series of curses that would make the deity of cuss words proud.

And I was saved. Or so I said.