I Will Never Be

I Will Never Be...

I will never  be the popular girl that walks down the hall with all her friends

I will be the one walking with her head down praying no one talks to her

I will never be the girl with the perfect body that everyone wishes they had

I will be the girl just trying to find an outfit that looks at least a little bit good on me

I will never be the girl with the perfect boyfriend

I will be the girl who gets broken up with for being too big

Nor will I be the girl who gets all the guys

I will be the one who gets cheated on and called a slut for finding a different guy

I will never be the prettiest girl in school

I will be the one hiding her face with her hair

I will never be the girl with the perfect voice having all the boys admire her while she's on stage

I will be the girl who sings to her crowd of shampoo bottles in the shower

I will never be the "all-star" no matter how hard I try

I will be the girl who is only good at one sport and sits the bench for the other two

I will never be the girl who is polite to everyone

I will be the girl that tells you if I hate you which I probably do

But why?

Why should I be the girl everyone wants?

The one everyone admires?

Why should I have to suffer through two sports just to keep my father happy

Why should I be afraid of what I wear in fear of getting judged

"She can't wear that she's too fat"

What I hear as I walk down the hallway

Why can't I find another boyfriend if I'm not happy with the one I have

Why do I deserve to be called a slut

When there are girls sleeping with a different guy every weekend

And so what? Why can't she... if that's how she wants to live then she can

And why is it ok for a teenage boy to being congratulated for "getting some"

But a girl be scolded for giving herself away

Why should I feel so pressured to get good grades and not get in trouble

Even when I have to work ten times harder than all the "smart kids"

And no matter how much I want to break I remember it's not the "right" thing to do

No cutting, no depression, no bad thoughts

How about instead of looking at her arms you look at her life and how it's cutting her to pieces

How everyday is a struggle

Getting up

Getting dressed

Going to school

Why don't I want to do the things I used to love

I think about this as I put my makeup on...

The one thing I do for myself and not for anyone else

I think of ways to get out of going to school

Ways so that I stay away from him

So I stay away from the whispers

Away from the people passing the letters

Full of words

Slut

Loser

Fat

Away from the guy who cheated on me

Away from his girlfriend

Away from breaking to pieces

I remember that it isn't ok to cry in front of people

Then I would be an attention hog

But I can't take it anymore

Why should I be perfect

Perfect hair

Perfect clothes

Why be all the things I'm not

I hate being fake

So why should I hold my tongue when I want to tell you how I really feel

I don't have a thousand friends

Mainly for that reason

If I don't like you I will tell you

Even though that isn't ok

"You have to play nice with everybody"

That's something we are all taught in elementary school

But why?

In life there will be people you hate

"Everyone is perfect and unique in their own way"

Well the popular kids must have missed this day of elementary school as they judge everyone

I must of missed that day too

Cause all I ever feel is my imperfection

I will never be perfect

But I am ok with that

Why shouldn't I be?

Who wants to be normal anymore?

I mean I guess I wish I was...

Just so I didn't need to hear those words being tossed in the air as I walk by

Unimportant

Friendless

Loser

Who is that?

She's annoying

Maybe I like having no friends

"Less drama" I say

But really I would love friends

But I love being by myself

Always agreeing with my thoughts

So why should I be popular?

Why make my parents happy

If they knew how this world really was

They would never expect me to go through this

Never expect me to be stabbed in the back by all the "friends" I used to have

Why do they want me to have friends

I have my books

But I am not nerdy enough to be a nerd

And will never be social enough to have any true friends

All of my "friends' would ditch me in a second to go be with their real friends

And I get my parents don't want me to be antisocial but being social is worst

I hate being social...

I have my books

I will never be social

But when I am

I'm doing it wrong

I'm not doing what people want

I am the girl no one will want

And I will never be everything people expect of me

But I will be Me....