Broken. Restored.

Broken. Restored. 2.

Awaking again Anni felt Joey pressed in against her. Instinctively she pulled away: how could she be close to him with this? When would he get back to work? Trying to wrap his arms around her he called her name but she reflexively rolled out of bed saying she must get on. Get on with what? She didn't know. Suddenly work flashed across her mind. Stumbling around she found some trousers and a blouse.
"Are you sure you're going to work in that state?"
"Yeah. I'm fine."
Joey knew better than to argue with her but just the walk to the car made her feel like she'd run a marathon. "Come on Anni, let's roll!" She said trying to motivate herself. Starting the car she pulled out of the driveway and down onto the main road but then every ounce of energy she had mustered evaporated, she could hardly concentrate on the road and found herself swerving all over. Parking on a side street and with her head in her hands she sat and cried: great gushing rivers of tears poured down her face. Anger burned inside her. How could she live with this? With the pain and anger from THAT day, with a baby she didn't want and  a husband who didn't understand. She could make it through this if she could talk to someone: Joey had always been her rock but now she was standing on bear sand. She just couldn't bear to tell him, yet she longed for the intimacy they had once shared. At the end of her tether and swimming in tears she cried out "God, if you're there, help me please..."

Suddenly there was another presence. She was no longer alone. Yet there was nobody else in the car. She felt such a deep peace in her soul, despite her circumstances.
"God, I've not prayed since I was young," she continued "and I don't really know how to pray but I really need someone to talk to right now. I'm in a mess and I don't know what to do." Starting off woodenly like her childhood prayers she slowly relaxed until she poured out her soul before her Maker. She just knew it would be alright.

Work.

She had to give a reason for not turning up this Monday morning. Se glanced at her watch.
'Phew! I've just got time to ring in sick.'
Ringing in sick wasn't a lie: she was sick, emotionally sick. There was no way she could go to work like this and there was no way she could tell them before she told Joey.

Pulling out the side street she drove down to Alex's house - her best friend since high school. As she sat in the driveway she wondered if she'd be better off being alone somewhere but she just needed someone, anyone that wasn't Joey.
'Wait ... Even Alex won't understand. No I can't tell her, what was I thinking?!'
Anni was about to back out the drive when the door was flung open.
"Anniiiiii!!!!!! Congratulations!!!!"
'Hmmm. It seems Joey couldn't keep the news in. I guess that's not surprising.'
Alex embraced her but Anni pulled away. She pined to be close to someone but couldn't bear physical contact.
"What's wrong Anni?"
"Let's go inside"
As soon as she sat on the sofa tears started to form in Anni's eyes.
'No! Not now! Not yet! I can't!' Her thoughts and tears were both a tumbling torrent.
"What's going on girlfriend? I thought you'd be overjoyed to be pregnant!!"
"Yeah, so did I. I guess it's just hormones"
"Well I think someone needs cheering up! We're going out."
"Where?"
"Just out."
They went for a wander down the local park, talking the usual girl gossip and shared Bruno Mars in Alex's earphones. The music and fresh air were starting to distract her from it all, her mood had started to lift and another familiar figure arrived. Tracy!

"Congratulations"

Her heart sank. No way did she want to think about her baby now! Heck if only these people knew the pain, trauma and problems that went with this baby!! Feigning a smile she replied
"Thanks."

As they went on walking they bumped into more and more people. Each "congratulations" was a blow to her stomach. 'I can't go on like this.' Her thoughts grew darker and darker and she felt sick to the core. 'I want to end it all. For both of us.'