Sickening - Narry

5: Changes

Landing at Heathrow didn't have the same feeling this time. I wasn't excited to see my friends or sleep in my own bed tonight. I was almost dreading this landing, hoping that the plane would fall out of the sky or be delayed for eternity.

My wish never came true.

I found my luggage and scoped out my driver, taking pictures with some fans while on the way. I try and be as friendly and open to anyone I meet in public, but today I just felt different.

When im securely in the car, my bags resting beside me in the back seat, I turn on my phone and respond to the texts I had received while in the air.

"Yeah just landed." I send to my mum.

"In the car." I send to Liam.

"Missed you." I send to Harry.

What...'missed you?' Why on earth did I just send that?

I contemplate what exactly was going on in my head. Why had I just sent that? I wasn't planning on doing that nor did I really even want to do it. Oh well, he won't think much of it anyway.

A few moments later my phone buzzes and I look down.

HAZ:

"Miss u too :) come by today?"

I let out a sigh of relief, knowing that our relationship was still in tact. I send back a simple "Of course," and lay my head on the headrest. After telling the driver where I was needing to go now, I put my headphones in and close my eyes till the car slows to a stop outside of Harry's flat in the heart of the city.

"Cheers," I say to the driver as I drag my bags from the backseat and climb the concrete steps outside of Harry's quaint little home. I knock a few hard taps on the solid wood door, and to my surprise, before I finished my simple pattern, the door swung open. Harry wraps his arms around me and lets me in the door.

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My reunion with Harry didn't go as I had planned whatsoever. There was something off with him. I didn't think it was caused by me. I know I had been acting sort of odd earlier in the day, but by the time I reached his flat, I was only excited about what was to come--definitely not dreading the encounter with the younger boy.

He seemed distant and almost like the Harry I had known for the past few years, not the Harry who had been taking care of me like a sick child in the past week. He seemed to become very short with me and not be as physically affectionate as in the recent past. There was no playing with my hair, no playful tickles or touching; no little kisses or snuggling.

To my knowledge, nothing had changed. I don't think I said anything, or did anything...well except for that thing. That thing which never came up, never mentioned, never hinted towards. That thing which, if you hadn't known better, you may have never known had happened.

I certainly wasn't going to bring it up.

Well, one thing had changed. It was obvious that I was feeling much better. I no longer had any ill symptoms or audibly sounded different. Jokingly, I think to myself; maybe he only likes me when i'm sick and vulnerable.'

But...maybe.

When I was leaving, deep-down I was hoping for a peck on the cheek and maybe for him to walk me out to my driver; but neither happened. He gave me a simple 'Seeya' and continued watching the football match that was playing on the television.

For the first time in over a week, I was going home to sleep in my own bed in London. Not sleeping at Harry's, not back in Ireland, and thankfully not 10,000 metres in the air.

Though I would have politely protested Harry's hopeful request for me to stay over, I really, really wanted to. However, he never asked, and I never protested.

Now i'm laying here in my bath, listening to The Lumineers and wondering just what had I done to change the attitude between me and my best friend. I lean over the side of the tub, open my phone, and begin a message to Harry.

ME:

"U ok?"

HAZ:

"Just fine. Y?"

ME:

"Just making sure. Seemed off tonight. Making sure I didn't do anything."

HAZ:

"Nah. just not feeling too well. All good."

ME:

"Sorry to hear that. Get well. Seeya on Thursday. Save me a seat."

No response.

I slide deeper into the tub, letting the water rise farther and farther up my exposed body. My abdomen, my pecs, and then my head all slowly seeping under the surface of the water. I take a breath, close my eyes, and let the world slip away for a few moments. Wondering just how I was going to survive the mini-tour we have coming up.