Sharing the things I overhear as life unfolds around me....
Overheard: My ex-girlfriend has endorsed me on LinkedIn for "Not Allowing Glaring Personal Issues to Interfere with Work"
Overheard: Give a woman a compliment on how she looks and she’ll say, "thank you, I've been doing yoga." Teach a woman to fish for compliments she'll say, "I‘m SO fat."
Overheard: The highlight of my day so far is when Google told me my password was "Very Strong."
Overheard: Nice try, blocked cell phone number but I don't even answer the phone for people I know.
Overheard: I told you I’d be there in 5 minutes. Stop calling me every half hour.
Overheard: I find myself nostalgic for the days when, if you met a stranger who said, "I'm following you", you’d call the police.
Overheard: How do I take my coffee? Uh…Orally. Why? How do you take it? Freak.
Overheard: When I was a kid we didn’t have sexy, scary vampires. We had Count Chocula. The worst thing you could get from Count Chocula was Type 2 diabetes.
Overheard: The burrito I had for lunch yesterday was so big that half way through it, I couldn’t remember a time when I wasn’t eating a burrito.
Whenever I want to call a family meeting, I just turn off the WiFi router and wait in the room where it's located.
Overheard: Today's special is a Tuscany duck breast with polenta and baby carrots. We recommend Instagramming it with a Valencia or 1977 filter.
Overheard: I read about 1 book a year, ask everyone I know if they’ve read it, and then act incredulous when they say no.
Overheard: My husband thinks I'm too nosy, at least that's what he's texting his friends.
Overheard: I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person but…I forget where I was going with this.
Overheard: Wish me luck, applying for a loan to buy some organic blueberries at Whole Foods.
When life hands me lemons, I probably won't notice because I'll be too busy staring at my phone
Overheard: Have you ever met anyone who's quietly on a juice diet?
Overheard: Remember that kid at the public pool who kept screaming at his mom to watch him jump in? He grew up to be a blogger.
Overheard: No, I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Overheard: People who say "But you don't DO anything, how can you be tired?" totally don't get the tired-as-a-lifestyle thing.
Overheard: To all those people who doubted me in high school and thought I’d never amount to anything, all I have to say to you is, “Well Played”.
Overheard: I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
Overheard: When buying a used car, punch the buttons on the radio. If all the stations are Hard Rock, there's a good chance the transmission is shot.
Overheard: Anyone who wishes someone happy birthday on Facebook without putting an exclamation mark at the end, is one soulless jerk.
Overheard: WE NEED TO TALK, EMAIL ME
Overheard: I hope when I am on my deathbed, I have a little bit of a tan, so people can comment on how good I look.
Overheard: I'm at a point in my life where I’m using the phrase "I'm at a point in my life", just a little too much.
Overheard: Each morning I drink coffee as a way to fool myself into thinking I’m going to have a productive day.
Overheard: We now live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons.
Overheard: Just passed a young kid in his car stopped in the middle of the highway with his flashers on. Probably thought of a really good tweet.
Overheard: When I was a kid we didn’t have sexy, scary vampires. We had Count Chocula and the worst thing you could get from him was Type 2 diabetes.
Overheard: Calling "shotgun" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car while your getting arrested.
Overheard: Congratulations, Pinterest. You have digitized America's compulsion with hoarding.
