Never and Never

6. You were so selfish

After Megan left, Harry never tried to talk to me even once. He is in a Skype call currently with his client. I wish Harry isn't such a workaholic person, so he could talk to me. Just like old times. My legs are dangling playfully as I sit on a high table next to the couch. I can't get rid of this habit of dangling my legs since I was a kid. Once in a while when I groan in frustration for getting caught by the fat cop and the annoying dog in subway surfer, Harry's eye meets mine. His eyes crinkle and his lips pout as he pleads me to wait for some more time. My eyes are glued to his pouty lips.

"It's so rude" he bluntly states.

I hastily turn my gaze to my phone, not knowing whether he mentioned me or the client. I wish I have some other games on my phone to play as I am tired of getting caught by the cop frequently.

"Well we can finish the molding part tomorrow and you can get the engine on Monday, if it's okay" he laughs louder and adjusts his ear phone.

I gesture him that I am taking his phone. He doesn't seem to bother, so I take it from the desk. When I press the power button, the device asks for a password. I nudge his hands which are spread on the table away from the webcam of his laptop. I don't want to interrupt his business discussion in the second place and showing my face on the webcam in the first place. That would be so awkward.

When I show the display to him, he signals his free hand placed on the desk to show the password. So, that would be 1 1 0 2. My eyes go wide in realization. 1 represents Harry's birth date, 10 represent my birth date and 2 represents our month of birth February. He is still rolling in his chair with a pen placed between his fingers, taking notes.

He doesn't have a single game on his phone. So I decide to watch some videos on his phone. When I play a video from the player, there is loud screaming and I drop his phone to the ground in embarrassment. Oh my god.

Harry stiffens in his chair as I slowly crouch down to take the phone and exit the application. My cheeks turn deep red when he smirks at me. I didn't know Harry has porn videos on his phone, yet alone he didn't have the modesty to hide it separately from public view. I then open the gallery and pray to god to not show any kind of pictures related to that. He has a lot of pictures of him and Gemma from their birthday party. Then there are pictures of eyes and lips. There are so many. I exit the application and threaten him that I will drop the phone again. He maintains his poker face but his free hand shakes violently in air motioning me to stop. I giggle at his master piece act of being Mr. Cool and slide his phone on the desk.

My phone buzzes in my skirt pocket and I retrieve it to see a new message from Gemma. I tap at the open icon and giggle stupidly.

Gemma:

Just heard from Natalie that Harry (chicken-salami-obsessed-man) came this week and created a scene. I wish I was there with you to kick his ass.

I begin to type and see typing below Gemma's name.

Gemma:

OMG! That's why he called me the other day to check on the menu. He tricked you again. Didn't he?

I begin to type, since she is not the patient type. She would blow her mind with all the impossible thoughts. And also it is not what she thinks. We are just friends. We are nothing more?

Me:

No Gem. We're hanging out as friends. Don't over think.

My fingers fumble with the touch screen and I shriek when an arm is placed on my shoulder.

"Who is that?" Harry asks as he takes my phone in his hands.

He starts typing and I try to get back my phone. One of his arms holds me in place by gripping my waist while the other fumbles with the screen casually.

"Oh my sister! Chicken salami obsessed man! Seriously Darling?" he asks as I still struggle to escape from his grip.

"Harry please!" I yell holding my laughter.

"She thinks she can kick my ass?" he raises a brow with a smirk plastered on his face. "He tricked you again?" his smirk disappears at his sister's message.

"Harry it's my personal" I plead.

His face is serious now. He just types something and hands me the phone. I check what has he typed on the phone, but the entire conversation is deleted. I haven't gotten this mad in my entire life before.

"Why did you delete the conversation Harry?" I grit.

"It was about me doll" he states simply.

He packs his laptop in his bag and places the ear phone on the cupboard. He takes a cigarette from the packet and lights the tip. With two clicks, the stick lights up and he puffs the toxic smoke, seconds later the cloud of smolder escapes his plump lips. It is an eye catching view but I am not in the position to enjoy it. He drags another puff and small clusters of ash slips from the stick when he taps it into the ash tray.

"But it is not your place to spy on my conversation. After all you are the one ogling on me" I say sternly.

"You use the word ogle? When you were the one who asked me to kiss you?" he smirks and takes another puff.

I think for a second before I ramble with my words. He was buzzed at my request and I didn't know why I asked him that. He drops the cigarette in the ash tray and walk to me. I shyly snap my gaze to the ground when he leaves no distance between our bodies. His nose nudges mine and I close my eyes to his closer proximity. Everything around me is dark and the only thing I can hear is our slow breathes, the only thing I can feel is his hand on my back, his nose nudging mine and his hot breath fanning my lips. My whole world is dark and he is the light that guides me.

"Can you feel it Darling?" Harry asks me.

I still don't open my eyes. All I can think about is him.

"What?" I whisper, my voice hoarse from not speaking for mere minutes.

"This"

"This what?" I don't know what he is telling. I can't read his mind, yet alone in dark when my eyes are closed.

I shouldn't be doing this. We are just friends. We are starting from the beginning. This is so wrong, but why can't I stop him. I feel his hand on mine. I still don't understand what he is trying to explain and I can't handle when he is very gentle with me. My hand is placed on his chest, because I feel his heart racing. Butterflies erupt in my stomach when he places a hand on my heart. My heart pounds harder just like his. My mind is only concentrating on his touch.

"This. Us. We can't live without each other" his voice is hoarse now. "We are made for each other" he pulls me close.

His lip meets mine with desperation and I melt in his hands as he deepens the kiss. I missed this so much. I couldn't phrase how I have lived all these days, without him. The only person who could smooth the pain in my heart, yet he is the one who caused it.

I push him harder and his eyes flutter opens. I don't know how to react. I can't resist him in anyway. His eyes show hurt.

"What happen-"

"We can't do this Harry" I cut him off.

"Then why did you ask me to kiss you? I know you were sure when you asked. But why?" his eyes are glossy and I can't stand to see when he is so broken. Broken like me.

"Because I still love you" I say. I don't regret it anytime later and I will not regret it all my life. "I'm still the same Harry. Still the same when you left me. You ripped me apart. You didn't think about me when you left. You were so selfish"

"Shut the fuck up Darlene" he growls. "You have no idea what I've gone through" his voice cracks at the end and he pop opens his button one by one and removes his shirt.

I scream until my throat gets dry and faint at the site of him. I don't feel anything as my mind carries me to the state of slumber. The only thing I can sense is a pair of arm carrying my body and muffled sobs.