Second chance

The Return Part 1

Everything looked the same. Black sweater that I could not squeeze into my backpack still lied folded on the couch. I was in such a hurry to leave that day. Then again, everything with James was in a hurry, I reminded myself. Although, at that time I was more than willing to follow his rhythm. I pulled my red backpack through the hallway and left it in the bedroom. After two days of traveling I was too tired to even open it, let alone unpack. My shoulders were hurting and, to be honest, I disliked (disliked? more like hated) the whole travel-with-backpack style. Just a couple of months before I left, I bought beautiful, four wheel spinner suitcase that cost me small fortune, but James gave his best to persuade me to exchange it for a backpack. „Suitcases on wheels are boring. Have you ever seen an adventurer with a suitcase?" he asked. So I did what he wanted and got myself a backpack. My shoulders were not happy.

With a huge sigh of relief I fell on the bed, dust flying all around me. I started sneezing and quickly got up to open the window. It was a sunny day outside and my heart skipped a beat when it reminded me of Philippines and luscious green everywhere.

I need to stop thinking about the past year.

I returned to bed again, taking clean linens from the closet, and crawled under the blanket. My heart ached, but I promised myself not to cry. Instead, I fell asleep as soon as my head touched the pillow.

I finally got out of bed the next day. "This is going to be a great day," I cheered myself as I started to inform friends and family of my return. I pulled out my smartphone from the purse and immediately noticed one unread message.

„Please don't hate me..."

It was James.

My thumb hurried to write a reply, but my brain stopped it. What could have I possibly replied? „It's OK" or „Don't worry". I was too hurt to write anything that made sense so, with one quick move I deleted James' text and then deleted his phone number as well. I needed a fresh start, free from James and all the heartache he caused.

Mum and dad were the first ones I called. It would be an understatement to say that they were happy that I was back: they were thrilled. During the last eight months that I spent in the Philippines, mum kept begging me to come back. Every now and then she would e-mail me clippings from articles that reported on high crime rates in Manila or typhoons that so often threatened the islands.

„I worried so much about you there" mum said and I tried to laugh it off.

„Philippines are so beautiful! You and dad should visit them too: you would get to enjoy beaches and tropical fruits and warm weather" I started listing all the good things. „What else do you need in life?"

But mum wasn't giving up. „It was so reckless what you did. You left perfectly good job to run around the undeveloped world with that...that...what's his name?"

„James" I filled her in, although I was pretty sure she knew his name.

„That immature man!" she interrupted me obviously upset. I could not blame her. He did turn out to be a complete jerk.

"Well, I am here now and I am not going back to Asia anytime soon" I assured her, not wanting to go into details. My mum and I never had the type of close mother-daughter relationship that most of my friends had with their mothers. We were always a bit of a stranger to each other.

"See you tonight?" she asked stopping the conversation about James, which I appreciated.

"Yes, I'm coming. Say hi to dad" I answered and hung up the phone. I scrolled through my address book: Next calls would be much easier to make. I arranged to go out for a drink with my best friend Anna and updated my Facebook status with just one word: Home.

Couple of hours later I pulled my dark hair in high pony tail, put on my jacket and went to meet my friend Anna. I was not in the mood to put on make-up and I was happy that my face had healthy tan from all the sun in Manila, so at least I did not look like a ghost.

„So, what happened?" Anna was one of those people who went straight to the point. We have been sitting in our favorite local cafe for couple of minutes and long awaited questing came right away. After all, Anna was journalist like me and had lots of experience in getting answers from all kinds of people.

I looked at Anna, her blue eyes piercing directly at me, then at the people walking on the street and shrugged my shoulders.

„He left me and went to Cambodia..." I stopped then added quickly "with another woman". I tried to summarize all the events in one sentence hoping Anna would not ask more.

But she did. „How do you mean he left with another woman? He was cheating on you?" she frowned and I confirmed by nodding with my head.

„Well, I guess..." it was becoming harder to speak. I felt like my throat was about to close and leave me breathless. "He met some Swedish girl while freelancing in Cebu. At that time I stayed in Manila, we were trying to cut our costs" it sounded so silly now. "Couple of days after he returned home, he informed me he was in love and that he is leaving for Cambodia, and that he got some well-paid assignment there. And that girl was joining him" I said, again trying to keep it as simple as possible, leaving out all the details I wanted to forget as soon as possible. I didn't want to start crying.

„I am so sorry Claire" Anna's face showed true sadness and I wanted to hug her.

"What can you do..." I asked hypothetical question and I tried to pretend that I was fine, while every mention of James brought the same pain. "He left me in foreign country all by myself....after I... I..." I started sobbing uncontrollably "I... left all... all..." Anna reached out with her hands over the table and hugged me as strong as she could.

"I left all for him..." I could not stop crying.

"I am so sorry Claire" Anna repeated still keeping me close. I looked at her. "But you did want to see the world" she said trying to make me laugh.

My lips stretched in something that resembled a smile. "I am a fool. A complete fool" I tried to wipe tears off my face and get back my dignity. "And now I am crying in public... But yes, you are right, at least I travelled the world"

"Do you want to go home?" Anna asked and I nodded "No".

We stayed silent for couple of moments. I was trying to catch my breath and Anna was awkwardly playing with her lighter on the table.

„And what will you do now?" Anna finally asked. "Will you look for a job?"

„Well, I was thinking of freelancing until I find something better" I said. While in Philippines I discovered online service that connected freelancers with companies that offered short-term, usually one time jobs. And although it was hard to catch well paid opportunity, any option was better than none.

„Why don't you come back to Globe? I'm sure Mark would love to have you back. And everyone else, as a matter of fact" Anna proposed, but I waved my head giving her the "no" answer.

„Well, I'm not so sure..." I said remembering the week of my departure. "He wasn't very happy that I left so quickly."

"It was a bit of a tight..." Anna added and I felt the need to defend myself.

"It was always tight. There was never a period in year that wasn't busy" I explained.

"I say we let him know you are back and I can check whether we can re-hire you" Anna got back to the point.

"No... I don't think that would work" asking job from Mark was the last thing I wanted, so I stopped any plans Anna might have. "Please, don't tell him I'm back".