MondayMarch27,1979
All my life I had struggles. I've been through a lot and I've barely had a mother because i live with my dad. He's very controlling and selfish. All he does is complain about his house and why his favorite TV shows don't come on anymore. I have 6 brothers and 5 sisters. 3 are older than me. But they live out of town. The little ones are all one year apart from 12. I live in Alabama. My dad just got married three months ago. I'm going to tell you a little about my mother. She's very kind, 5,6 , she's open hearted , smart , strong , and fighting for custody. My dad always tells me how we are going to get a chance to see her and be with her but when its time he always got an excuse. I ran away a couple of times and when I did I always ran to one place ....... my grandmothers house. my dad killed his mom when he was 15 because he couldn't get his way. I wish there was somebody that could help me. I cant go to school because I have to babysit and I don't have friends. I built a small hut right next to my dads house. I use it to meditate and get my mind together. It's like my own little world. It's one thing I don't want to be included in because I hate it so much and I think everybody deserves to have it twice. Life! I hate it. it's cruel and I hate that I'm apart of it . I wont be able to get to write all the time because my dad is to noisy minding my business I'm not supposed to talk to you but we'll see how it goes next time.
Wednesday March 29
I've never had a happier moment in my life! You wont believe what happened today. When daddy went to work my mom came past. She packed all our bags and took us with her. I'm finally leaving. I wrote a note to my dad saying goodbye I wonder how he's going to react when he see's it. But for right now I'm about to start living my life! I never realized how far away my mom lived until we hit the road. I think the only bad thing about this trip is that my mom isn't herself. She's been weeping softly and wanting to be to herself. My oldest brother Da'marius told me that her best friend got shot. That put me in a box. " you mean Aunt Pearls " ! As I spoke a tear fell down my cheek. Aunt pearls was my mothers best friend. She was fun and very lovable. When my mom couldn't take care of us she had us for 2 weeks. Those were the best to weeks in my life. I wish I could see her again. At times like this I stay to myself so I'm going to cut today's work a little short. Write you when I can.
Sunday April 2
Today mom took me to Sunday church. I finally found out everything I wanted to know about god. I heard they had a book about him too. After church mom took us to get ice-cream. On our way home I thought long and hard about how my life was going to be. When we got home I ate lunch then went outside to play. I sat on my tire swing and crooned to myself softly. A boy walked up to me and asked of my name. " My name is Jahkiyla ". "Hello My name is nick. I live across the street I like the way you dress. Your very pretty". "Thank you and I know who your are. We went to school together". "OH that was you I used to have a crush on you". I turned my face in a blush."sweetie can you come on in your brother needs a bath?". "I'm coming mom". "I have to go I'll see you tomorrow I guess". I started to walk away but then he yelled. "hey!". I turned quickly. "what school are you going to go to? I mean you do live here don't you?". "yes, I do um melodies trust". I turned away and ran in the house. I could feel him still looking at me. I realized that maybe I could just loosen up a little bit. As a child I just don't know how to play the game as all the adults say. Well..... I cant wait until I'm one! I'm going to look all pretty. I want to be a very classy lady but I'm afraid to present myself because I'm thick and people call me fat but I get so upset and defensive I lose all confidence. And I want to have a house that's not to big and not to small but is also not an apartment. I want to be outgoing. I want to have extensions because my hair is short, a good wardrobe starting from having all types of clothes that a female should need and having enough to supply myself, find someone good, no my limits for everything, find my best friend, etc. That type of stuff! I know right it's a lot but when it happens it's going to be perfect. oh and another thing is I don't want to fall in love for anyone! love is hard to understand and it's too dramatic. I've seen so much relationships happen when people are killing themselves and getting so overwhelmed and going crazy. Another reason I'm so secure of myself is so I won't end up with someone like my dad. "Honey I need to go shopping Nick's mom will be over to help you babysit. come on downstairs to play with your siblings". And I will return. At least this time I'm am happy. I am free. I have been saved.
