The Asylum

chapter 1

       It was the winter of my seventeenth year. I remember it all to well when the world turned cold as well as my heart. My thoughts like a movie depicting everything in color, the good and the bad. It was nights like this I stayed up losing my mind. My best friend was in another state, my love had ran away, and my angel was long dead, taken and chilled by the cold of winter. I pictured it like a scene from the artic although it was the south and the most that happened when it got cold was sickness.
     I guess now you're wondering as to how I got into an asylum. Well it all happened when my love Jeffrey left me alone in this dark and horrible world. Life had gotten so crazy without him, what was I to do? I cried constantly, I had never felt so weak in my life. It didn't help but it was needed. My anger had gotten so out of control. Before all this my relationship with my parents was best described as a rock that could never be destroyed. I loved them with all of my heart but how could I explain my devilish temper, and the cuts on my arms wide enough to slip a pen through. They couldn't save me from myself, only I could. I was so broken as I cried for help. Here it comes they're gonna suggest therapy, I just knew it.
       Therapy? Really? God did I hate therapy. So there I was sitting in that chair as she wrote all that I said, which was nothing at all. Every time I went into that room my mind went blank and I didn't feel anything, but at night I felt it all. When I mean my mind went blank I mean I didn't know what to say. It was as if all the thoughts in my head disappeared in the dark. My therapist was a pretty women, very nice, all she wanted to do was help me. I was so distant and it hurt me, but just seeing her I could tell she was different, that we were gonna share a bond of some kind.
Her beautiful blue eyes met mine. "do you ever have thoughts of suicide?" She said
       I broke into tears feeling helpless. The weight of the world dead inside. "all the time" I replied.
She gave me a look of outrageous concern
"do you have a plan?" She said.
       I replied "I cut my arm straight down the vein, watch the blood cover the floor, watch it all fade away, afraid of leaving all I've loved behind with no chance of a tomorrow".
She looked at me from across her brown wood desk, fearing for me knowing my life was hanging in the balance, I was just a slit away from no one being able to say goodbye to me..."no" I said to myself as the therapist said to me
"do you think a mental behavioral hospital would benefit you?"
I nodded thinking to myself "if I can't have him just shut me away, lock me away for life no one has to see me suffer anymore, like an animal being put down. Tears streaming down my face as I thought of leaving my parents for a week but the pain I had caused them was far to much to just take back.
       Therapy was over as she called the mental hospital, made arrangements and gave me the option to leave today or tomorrow I chose tomorrow wanting one more nights with my parents. Also I had no idea of the horrors I would face inside the hospital. We had been home a while, it was night. My heart was beating out of my chest, I wasn't yet diagnosed but that night I swear I'd die of a heart attack sleeping alone, death was better.
       My dad layed beside me telling me he'd stay there beside me so I'd sleep, there was a certain comfort to having him there although I still hurt and cried, throwing the ring Jeffrey gave me, it was his grandfather's, but I didn't know what to do so I picked it back up and laid on my bed realizing it was selfish to throw the last thing he had of his grandfather. But why give it to me if he was just gonna leave me for dead, I thought all of this as I hugged my dad with tears streaming down, and my mother, you could tell it hurt her, it was like seeing a wounded animal caught in a trap..