thoughts

Who am i?

Who am I?
A simple question but is it really that simple.

When people ask what you're afraid of they will expect an answer along the lines of spiders, heights, elevators.
But how am I supposed to say I'm scared of myself.

When people ask to describe yourself with three words the expect things such as. Hard working, team member and sporty or Dedicated, smart and quirky.
But how am I supposed to tell them that no three words could measure the level of pain I'm feeling on the inside. The amount of tiredness that is flooding through my veins.

When people ask the question how are you the expect an answer like "good thanks how are you"
But how am I supposed to tell them that I am slowly dying a painful death. I'm so tired of everything and I don't know how much longer I can take it.

When people ask the question what makes you happy they expect an answer like "family", "friends" , "music" or "pets"
But how are you supposed to tell them that you can't be happy anymore. You've tried everything you can and the only thing that will make you feel is a blade being pressed to your skin. Because let's face it being in physical pain is better than not feeling at all... Right?

So when people ask the question "who are you?"
Well I just don't know anymore.