The Better Memory

More Than a Glimpse

I hoping for a glimpse of her. A glimpse would make my day make me smile. Make me...me. All I needed was a glimpse...but I got way more than that. It started like a regular day. Secretly looking out the window ever few minutes to see if she's outside. But today...she came outside. It was her and her brother and her Bestfriend at the time. I had already met Lacy, her bestfriend, but we never really got off on the right foot. We still played nice together but I could tell she didn't really like me very well. I honestly didn't care. I had finally gotten to see her...she was more beautiful than last time. But I think I say that every time I see her. And again I had to get used to it and struggle to stop staring whenever she noticed. It was a struggle, her eyes looked so much brighter that day. And her smile still gave me butterflies. Even if it wasn't directed at me. When it was, it took all I had not to fall over. My legs seemed to turn to jelly. We were playing knockout on my basketball court and every time I ended up behind her or her behind me, I swear she could hear my heart beating. If not she definitely heard my breath getting heavy. I commented on her perfume....dumb move...how much more creepy can you get. "You smell different when you're awake". God I'm not very charming. Well I might take that back. I don't know how I was coming up with it all but I was complimenting her left and right. About everything. Wait I take that back too I know how I came up with it. You can always compliment something that's perfect. I was on a roll. She even tried after a while to teach me to insult. She said I'm too nice to her but I always replied with, "you're supposed to be nice to Angels". I felt drunk that night. My mind wasn't really focused on anything but her and anything she did. Watching for her smile. Watching for her eyes to lock to mine. That whole night went by in a blur. It felt as if we had stopped time. Or kept hitting replay...trying to never forget the best times in our lives. At one point in the night i took them one by one and put them in what she called "the molestor's  bush" I remember the urge I had while she was over my shoulder to instead put her in a superman carry. Most romantic thing my 14 year old self could imagine was carrying her with her hands on my chest and looking into her eyes and not caring who's watching. Because she's watching me. And that's all that matters. It was 1 a.m. when that night ended. Ended by her mom telling her too come inside because it was too late. I remember that I wanted a hug so bad. I was dying to get one. Lacy walked away and we still talked for what felt like 20 more minutes. All I remember were her eyes in the faint light. A mix of different colors and what felt like my entire being. She was always difficult with hugs. I was asking for one by simply opening my arms. She'd open her arms but take a step back. I step forward and she'd step back again. Over and over until she didnt step back. She stayed. She stayed for me. She gave me a hug and I was having a hard time letting go. Because how do you let go of everything that you are. And everything that you aspire to be. After the hug she left. And i immediately felt empty. After spending so much time with her, her not being there was like loosing part of my heart. I went to bed smiling but wishing I'd wake up and do it all over again.