My Day Today

My day today: I woke at 12:30 -ish (noon), took a shower like normal. My mum had finished cooking lunch and she finally called out "Eating time!". Eagerly I grabbed my tablet and my plate of food for my regular eating ritual. I switched to youtube eagerly and then suddenly I felt a strong sharp pointy thing stabbing my thigh right next to the 'neck' of my legs. I was wearing short pants at the time so i just grabbed the end folds of my pants to see what it was. There it was. Small stick like legs were peeping out like eyes against the end of my leather pink shorts. In absolute curiosity, I slighty straightened the folds of my pants to see what it was. What i thought were small stick like things actually stemmed from something greater, something more demonic -in every sense of the word. My eyes glared at the sight for a second, my heart thumped like a drum as I my eyes rested at the sight. It was a spider. Now i know what you may be thinking: But its just a small spider nothing scary at all! Normally I'd agree with you, if it only were for its abnormally larger than 'small' body, long legs and pea-shaped ass/heart (whatever floats your boat)

It was at this moment I realised, I messed up. My bodys natural instincts screamed "Take off your pants and run like you've never run before". If i wasnt in the middle of the house in an exposed area, i probably would have done exactly that. Even with my heart beating out of my chest even more so than before, i grabbed my lady balls and pursued the folds near the spider. I bravely wrapped the spider inside these very same folds so it couldnt escape and more importantly bite me even if if wanted to. (It already bit me at this point) I charged to the bathroom and immediately dropped my pants, resting it on the towel drawer left of the hanger. I slapped on some other shorts and informed my mum about the incident. We all agreed to take myself to the hospital because as my brother said: It's better to be safe then sorry. That and WE LIVE IN AUSTRALIA GODDAMIT! Shit is crazy down under. Before I could finish eating, before I could comb my hair, me, my mum and my brother hopped into her car and drove to the cairns hospital. During the way we happened to draw the unlucky card and had several stupid drivers drive unecessarily slow because their brains couldn't go fast enough, even if they were driving. In a spark of luck, we conveniently ran into drivers exiting the car park. We took that parking and left off to the Cairns base hospital emergency clinic...... thingy. We went inside the clinic, told them what had happened and then were asked to wait outside for a few minutes. Thankfully the waiting was rather quick as that same guy who served us before requested us to come into a different room. My mum charged into the room with her right hand grabbing my wrist tightly with the other hand securing the plastic containing the half-dead spider. He took my blood pressure and said I was fine. My mum then asked "Is she alright?!" Only to have him reply with "I really don't know." In my mind all the hope i had had for help or atleast a clear answer had dropped. Within the confinements of my mind I was like 'wut, you serious bro? What the actual fuck.' He then said something else to which i wasnt listening as my attention was stolen by my mental breakdown. Shortly after I got up and my mum and I left the clinic rather...... well, words cannot describe my feelings. We got back into the car where my brother had been the whole time. My mum noticed something strange about her car and then complained on the spot. For a solid two minutes the voices of my mum and my brother argued about the most stupid, irrevelant shit in the world. After those two minutes had passed I decided to end it right then and there. I yelled 'LETS GO HOME ALREADY' in which i was replied with the continuation of the argument. 10 seconds later we were finally driving back, more specifically we wnt to went to a nearby shop to get some drinks and ice cream. I decided to stay in the car while my brother and mother patrolled the store for mountain dew and ice cream. Bored as always I pulled out my tablet for a quick game of Subway Surfers (No I am not being sponsored). Next minute my brother and mother came back with the shit. We drove home and arrived. I saw my cat's "friend" (kinda looked Siamese) trying to get out of our front yard, I noticed as I watched it go out that it was limping. Feeling extremely hungry i rushed to my uneaten lunch, until I suddenly died.... nah kidding that has to be the lamest plot twist ever. Everything went on as usual.....