Forbidden Love

Chapter 4

"So, how was your weekend?" Summer asked me as we walked to Religion.

"I laid in bed and contemplated the mysteries of life," I said dejectedly.

"Does this mean you haven't made up your mind about you-know-who?" Summer lowered her voice as we walk into class.

"Nope." Sitting down, I pulled out my homework and set it on my desk. After everyone is seated, Mr. Walker started class like he always does, walking by everyone's desk and picking up the previous days' homework. I held my paper out as he walked by, and our eyes met for a split second before he continued picking up the homework. But in that split second I saw something strange. I noticed that his eyes weren't his normal ice blue color. They were that dark blue that I had noticed on Thursday when I met with him the first time.

Throughout the class period, I paid careful attention to his eyes, and noticed that whenever he looked at me for more than two seconds, his eyes turned that dark, midnight-sky color that I had noticed during my appointment last week. I wondered about that throughout the day, and continued wondering about it well into the night, after I had distractedly done what little homework I had.

I thought about those midnight-blue eyes in my sleep, dreaming about them, and waking up the next morning and still thinking about them. I thought about what they meant and what they could mean and what they actually meant. I couldn't understand or even comprehend those eyes, so dark and full of mystery.

Sitting on my bed the next afternoon, I stared at my clock, knowing that I should go to bed and not wanting to. I picked up my phone and dialed Macy's number. It was only 7 hours difference, so I knew that she'd be up by now to get ready. The phone rang and rang, and on the fourth ring, Macy picked up.

"Sarah?" Macy's voice sounded small in the loud din in the background.

"I – can you talk?" Macy must have heard the desperation in my voice because I heard her shouting to whoever was with her that she needed to talk to me.

"What's up?" she asked, shutting a door behind her.

"Who was with you?" I asked. For some reason, I was a little reluctant to tell her about my problem, even though I had always been able to talk to her about anything.

"My roomate. Sarah, are you okay? You sound distracted," Macy said worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm okay, I guess. I just don't really know what to do..."

"What can I do? Should I call his parents?" Macy offered, somehow knowing why I called.

"I don't think they would be able to do anything. He's a little too old for that..." my voice trailed.

"What did you say? My roommate is making a ton of noise." Macy raised her voice. "Jackie, shut up! I'm trying to talk to my sister." I heard Jackie yell something about getting coffee in the background.

Lowering her voice, Macy addressed me again. "What's the problem, sweetie?"

"Well, I might like this guy, but he's kind of a lot older than I am, and I know that I can't be with him even though I really want to. And like, what if he doesn't like me back if I tell him how I feel. If that happens then the rest of my senior year will be ruined."

After a long silence, Macy said softly, "But what if he does like you back? And what if the rest of your senior year isn't ruined?"

I was quiet. I hadn't thought of it that way. "But there's a lot more at stake here than just broken hearts, Macy. I could ruin his life!" I said forlornly.

"How would you ruin his life? It's just a high school relationship."

"But it's not your typical high school relationship. Now that I think about it, I could ruin both of our lives."

"How?" Macy paused for a second, then asked suspiciously, "Sarah, how old is he?"

I was quiet. I didn't know how she'd react if I told her about how Adam was twenty-four and my religion teacher and now my counselor.

"Sarah! What aren't you telling me?" I cringed. 

"AdamistwentyfourandhesmyreligionteacherandthenlastweekmomtoldmethatIhaveto – "

"Whoa! Slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying. Start over."

I took a deep breath.

"Adam is twenty-four and he's my religion teacher. Last week, Mom told me that she wants me to see him twice a week for counseling because she's worried about me now that you're gone. And he's really attractive and when he looks at me, his eyes turn this dark midnight blue and it makes my stomach do floopies." I cringed, waiting for the scolding that I was sure to get.

"Sarah! Oh my God, no! You cannot go down that road. It's so hard to go back, especially if you actually start to fall in love with him. And if someone catches you, he could lose his job, be banned from the Teachers' Association or Union or whatever they call it and never be able to get a teaching job again! He could even be thrown in prison and have it on his record forever!" Macy, apparently realizing how heated she sounded, switched her tone of voice entirely. "Sweetie, seriously, I know you think that maybe you like him, but you have to stop thinking like this. I don't know how involved you are with him, but if you keep going, serious things will go wrong. And like you said, it could ruin both of your lives."

I sighed. "I know. I just – I really want to give this a chance. Against my better judgment, I feel like something could come of this, you know?" I said, knowing that she probably wouldn't understand.

Macy sighed. "Actually, I do. The same thing is happening to me with...someone."

"Someone...as in a boy you go to school with?" There was a long pause. "Are you serious? I just told you that I have a crush on my twenty-four year old religion teacher. Spill!" I demanded.

She sighed again. "Someone...as in a girl I go to school with."

"Oh...OH." I didn't know how to respond.

She hurriedly tried to justify her admittance. "It's just that lately I've been feeling weird around my roommate. It's not awkward or anything – yet."

"What do you mean, weird?" I asked.

"Well, we've become really close, and we're super comfortable around each other, but I think I'm starting to see her in a different way than she sees me."

"Like, how?" I prodded. I could tell that she was nervous telling me this, for some reason.

"Well, Jackie just sees us as friends, so she'll do things in front of me, and sometimes I watch her and feel really attracted to her, but she probably doesn't think anything of it."

"Macy, you know that you never have to be embarrassed to tell me things like this. If this is who you are, then I will love you and support you no matter what happens. I just ask that you do the same for me, okay?"

Macy sounded relieved. "You don't know how much that means to me. And whatever decision you make about Adam, I'll do the same for you, okay? I love you." I could hear her smile. Then, through the phone, I heard a door slam.

"Shit! Jackie's home! I'll talk to you soon, okay?" Before I could open my mouth and reply, I heard the incessant beeping of the dial tone. I sat there for a moment with the phone still to my ear, too confused to move a muscle.

"Fuck."