My Essays

Worries

Like any other person I have my worries. They are mostly about the future. I guess that all worries have to do with the future in one way or another. I have always worried bout my mom. As in, I have always wanted to prove myself to her, and make her proud of me. My mother married my father when she was 18 years old. She gave birth to me when she was 20. A year later we all moved to america. My mom knew barely any english, and for that matter neither did my dad. My mom worked two jobs, and went to school at night. Because my dad would not help her she would have to take me with her, and my aunt would come and pick me up and baby sit me when my mom went to school. And as if to add to her troubles my dad physically abused her, and at age 25 my mother gave birth to my little brother Daniel. My mom went through as she calls it, a hell on earth. Two years after my brothers birth my mother divorced my father. She said that in a since that was her rebirth. Things slowly started to look up, my mother has a very good job now because of how hard she worked, and how hard she pushed herself. My mother was able to be very successful, when she started out with almost nothing. That is why I look up to her so much, and why I am so worried to disappoint her. Because of how much she has done for me I feel like I can’t, no matter what let her down.

    Another major worry of mine is my little brother Daniel. Daniel has always been the quiet type of kid. He always had trouble making friends, and for that matter sticking up for himself. Last year he went out for the track team. During one of the track meets three eighth grade boys started to pick on Daniel. The told him that they were playing a game. Daniel would have to be pretend annoying and they would throw him down onto the ground. Daniel would then get up and repeat the process. A good friend of mine has a little brother who is also on the track team, and she stopped it. When my brother came home that day he had buses all along his back and arms. My mother was of course very upset but I became worried. I was worried that Daniel didn't walk away or say no. Daniel believes and does anything to “make a friend”. I have been worried that he would never be able to stand up for himself.

    School is also a huge worry to me. I have always struggled with school. I know that I need a good education, for a good future. And because of that it feels like a sink or float situation, I am worried that I will be the sinker. There is a test that I have to take to join the navy, the ASVAB. Last time that I took it I feel ten points short.

    Recently my father remarried and now I have a younger sister named Arianna. I am worried that when I leave my father that he will teach her that I am a horrible sister or what not. Arianna is my new family, and I really want to be close to her. I don't want my dads hatred to ruin another relationship with someone. I am worried that I don't Know her and that she won't know me. My father makes me feel like I was the test run, and that  he will make Arianna the good and perfect child. The daughter that he will be proud of.

    My greatest worry by far is losing it. I am like a punching bag. People tell me a lot about what's happening in their lives and because of that, its like I’m living it with them. Because of that I know about friends dying, rape, parents that ask for too much, parents that don't care at all, a twin in a comma , a boyfriend dying in a drunk driving accident, etc. I worry that I might get to the point of not being able to handle it. Its always threatening to collapse. Its not easy to plaster a smile on your face everyday. But hopefully now I can be a voce instead of an ear.