I’m falling. Falling in an empty void, protected by the comforting blackness that surrounds. I’m numb. I cannot feel anything physically and emotionally. My skin prickles as a cool breeze bushes against my body. Finally I land. I land on a carpeted floor. Comforting, it reminds me of home and family. I’m in a long corridor, lined with doors and paintings. I slowly walk to the first door, suspiciously eyeing the corridor. With a hard tug and a loud creak the first door opens. The door seems to not have been opened for a long time as it creaks along the edges. I look in and find it to be a hospital room. I walk in and filled with confusion, I look around the strangely familiar room. The door I had walked through slams shut. I look in the hospital bed and there lays my mother with a newborn baby in her arms. Suddenly my father walks in and stands next to my mother, to hold her hand.
“She’s beautiful.” My mother manages to say. “Our little girl.”
Then, as if time froze, everything stopped. Time just stood still. The baby “me” disappears out of my mother’s arms and my parents are just standing there smiling at her empty arms. The door that I had come through flies open with a cold gust of air. I slowly walk back to the corridor and head to the second door. I tug at the door knob. My Nana’s living room. A common playground for me as a child. 2 little girls and a little boy sit in front of the TV watching Land Before Time. One girl, I notice, looked strangely familiar. It was me but she was nothing to what I am now. Care free and not worrying. She didn’t have the weights on her shoulders. They just sit there. Laughing and talking about the stupidest things. Dogs running around them, demanding attention. Then, time freezes again and the door swings open again. I step back into the corridor and go to 4 more doors. One door, when you stepped in, was of when I was 6 and we moved from my childhood home to a completely different state. Another door was of when I went to middle school. Another door had when I had graduated 8th grade. And the last door was of when we all had our big family vacation. After the last door I went to another door but it was locked. I tried 3 other ones but they were all locked. Words were also etched into the wood of the doors. Like “first and second child.” “Wedding.” and “graduation”. Then everything goes black. Voices fill my head.
My mother’s voice rings in my skull, “You can’t know or have absolute happiness, until you have had absolute sadness.
My father’s voice filled with concern says, “You know your mother and I love you very much. We love you with all of our hearts.”
My mother continues, “If you kill yourself, you will not only rob yourself but you will also rob your family and everyone that you have been in their lives."
Tears welled up in my eyes. My skin cold and irritated. What have I done? Is there really no heaven or am I just in hell? Now I will be haunted by forgotten memories and the regret of ending my life for eternity. Alone in the darkness. Please forgive me.
What have I done?
What have I done?
