He lets me go. Every time.... He lets me go. And sometimes, I actually want him too ... But a part of me, a big part of me wants him to stay.
I desire him. Everything about him lures me in. He's addicting. I am addicted to him. He's a drug that I'm constantly on, and I love it. So much.
I love him. I'm inlove with him. He's my everything, and I adore him. I adore him with every of my being. He's mine and I am his, even if we aren't really eachother's, I don't care.
When he lets me go... It's as if he doesn't care. It's as if he doesn't care about me leaving, about me possibly never speaking to him, or him never speaking to me. He doesn't care. To him, I'm just another girl he dated, another girl he fell for, and he knows, he knows there's going to be so much more. Atleast, that's how I feel...
But I shouldn't be talking... I say he's my everything, that he's my love, but yet... I hurt him.
I put him through hell and back for me, and expect him to run after me when I push him away, and that's not fair...
He complains how I let him go and how I broke up with him... but yet, I did it for him in a way... Yes, I'm broken, but if I'm broken... what is he?
He's definitely worse than I am. And I'm the reason for it. He claims to choose to be like that.. To be sad, but it's so obvious.... He's sad because of me. And that's not fair to him... My selfishness, wanting him to stay and to run after to me because I love him but yet being the reason why we aren't together...
And that's why I want to let him go so badly.... So he can do better... Better than whatever the fuck I am.
And I guess we'll see what happens, as my friend says, "it is what it is."
