Inside Degrassi

The First Night: A Hunter Hollingsworth Tale

After the nurses had swept me off to my room, I crawled up in a ball on my bed. Later a nurse came in to tell me dinner was ready, but I didn't want any. I knew she would go write somewhere I refused food, but whatever – let her.

As I glared at my face in the mirror I wished I could gather the strength to break it. Why not add to the bad luck, it's not like the bad luck was about to get better anytime soon. I grimaced a sigh and went over to my bed. Taking a seat, I rested my head in my hands – it had been a long day. A day I never saw coming. Anger burned in my chest as I remembered the sight of the hospital when I was expecting Degrassi, as I learned Miles had ratted me out. The day had not gone up from there.

I cringed with frustration as I remembered overturning my chair and screaming at my doctor. I DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE, I don't care. Pulling back the covers on the hospital bed I crawled in and stared out the small window. My eyes, I feared to close them. The flashes would surely return, but for now the stars would blind me as my eyelids grew weak.

As the moon shone, I heard Miles screaming my name. My heart began to race, only to realise it was nothing more than a memory. A memory of the time I crashed his car because I was annoyed and angry that he was taking too much time to talk to Tristan. The more I reflected, the more memories filled my mind and the harder it became to breathe. I grasped the pillow my head was meant to be resting on in an attempt to balance myself as I remembered shoving Yael. Yael. I pushed Yael to the ground. Who the hell pushes a girl?!

The memories didn't stop. Everything felt heavy. When I passed out that night it was out of pure exhaustion. The next morning, I woke up still exhausted. This would never go away, this feeling of having to push through everyday just to have to struggle through another the next day. I sat up in bed that morning, unable to fall back asleep as it clicked. I had tried so hard for so long to hide and survive under a pile of lies. Yesterday was terrible. Absolutely horrible because I could not accept what is: I am sick, I need help. With one very deep breath I put my feet on the ground to stand up for another day.

This, whatever it is, I would not let destroy me – though right now it felt like it had the upper hand.