Endless - starry sky

１

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My voice hitched with each second that passed. 'Is that really what you want, where you want to be?' My subconscious intrude me with a serious voice like I'm gonna crazy, which is besides true.

My legs wobbled as i took my next step. Just one step.

The wind giving my skin a freezing chill. My throat hoarse from my endless screaming, which felt like hours. My mind couldn't stand it anymore, my body numb that the endless winter brings and my thoughts that is always thinking of you.

Is that how you felt when you where standing here looking at the same sky like i do, when i was miles away from you? What you wanted, what you decided yourself?

I can't lose my time staying here, when i know that i can be by your side anytime, my subconscious convince me. It's better than to be here...right?!

Everything is better than this world!!

I bet you think I'm just a useless, hopeless girl, which is crying over an ending relationship, broken family or anything other dramatic situation..
But i don't really care. Think about me what you want. Judge me if you want. But everything are just worthless blabbering over someone you hate so much but waste your precious time with.

Slowly i turned around not thinking about anything nor anybody.

Why should i care about anybody else when everyone left me and used me for their own goods.

I took my used navy blue chucks off, which i bought with my first allowance. I can still remember the time, when I couldn't chose which pair of shoes I wanted to buy. So I ended up buying the navy blue one instead of the white ones, so it doesn't get dirty so fast.

Tossing my shoes aside, I could already feel the cool sand beneath my feet.

Just then, I heard someone, I thought. but sadly my mind is deceiving me.
To make sure i wasn't dreaming i turned around, searching the environment, to find a sign of life.

But nothing.

What did I hoped for? No one would willingly come here. An abandoned place surround by water and trees.

"Why do keep searching, when you know nobody comes here. Nobody would search for you or would be worried about you. Everything you do it to deceive people. You are no different to the others. Just pathetic. This is what you are.", my mind tells me, but i can't take it anymore.

" I know! You don't have to tell me. I'm useless, pathetic, a shame... But YOU why are you also against me!", I yelled to myself talking to my mind, but just ended up yelling at the endless crystal clear ocean.
"You are me! So you don't have the right to judge me! You can't!" Which ended to be a silent whisper what is left from my hoarse throat.

It does sounds pathetic speaking to myself.

Perhaps thats why everyone things that I'm crazy. True.

Still, nobody knew the me, because nobody knew about it... even you. The one I cherished the most. The me who was supposed to tell you everything...

The person you cherished the most deceived you..
I often tried to imagine how you would react but everything still turned out bad, for both of us.

But you, you saw in me a different person not just like the others. You didn't listened to them and just made your own opinion.

At thirst I admired you for that. Someone who is independent, strong-willed, strong inside and outside. A pure heart, that is what i liked about you the most.

But if you changed your mind that time. Just kept walking down the hall, not noticed me or spoke to me nor being stubborn. Then you wouldn't be there and I here.

Everything would be how it was supposed to be.

But.. there are a lot of buts and what ifs... would I ever be the same person? No, it all changed with one word(..your favorite to describe me...)

I tried to adjust my eyes at the beautiful spectacle in front of me, when I didn't noticed that I closed my eyes while day dreaming or rather night dreaming? I don't know, i don't even know what time it is... so long I'm already here.
But what i know is, that I am seeing the 2nd most beautiful sunset during my 17 years on earth.

Orange to blue. Stars surrounding the separated fire ball which only we humans see day-in, day-out. Something we should be grateful for things like that but aren't, because our species things that its natural. That we are gifted. Gifted to be on earth...

Plumping on my butt I tried to make myself comfy.Which is not so easy while sitting at the beach, on sand.

Pulling my long neat legs near my chest while hugging them with my thin arms I tried to follow the spectacle.

That is it, this is how it should be.

That many others dreamed of.

Sitting at the beach, following the sunset, surrounded by nature...what everyone dreamed of. Right?

I tried to laugh the dark thoughts off.

Tucking the loosen strand of hair behind my ear, I came back to reality.

Just 5 Minutes.

"What should i do?", I asked myself again.

Hmmm...Hmm..Hm., i try to hum my favorite song.

"Right?!", said a very familiar husky dark voice.

I didn't need to guess whom the voice belonged. A lifetime, i would recognize this voice.... a lifetime.
Even now i can still imagine his strong jawline, the familiar strong bulky arms which always embraceed me from behind and his beautiful steel grey eyes and their expressions he shows me since the first time we met. Love, desire, longing, looks he should only show to someone he wants to spend his lifetime with... and not with someone who destroyed his life...

Smiling to myself, turning slowly my head around, it leaved my lips..

"Right?!"

...

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I hope you likeed the first chapter.❤︎

XCupfly