Perfect Ruin

4. Catalytic

My parents just stabbed me. Straight through the heart. And now I'm bleeding on the foot of the dining table, trying to catch my breath.

I'm replaying the words over and over again, trying to make sense of it. Divorce. A divorce. Your mom and I decided to get a divorce.

I press my hands against my cheeks and suck in a deep breath. God, how can this happen? How? I knew they were fighting a lot recently but I just thought that it was just a phase. That it was something that they would get over. My parents had been together for over twenty years. They were childhood best friends. High school sweethearts.

The ultimate golden couple.

How the fuck can this happen to them?

I thought my parents could withstand anything. They're Lanes for fuck's sake. We don't give up. We push and push and push until we conquer, or nothing at all. That's what my dad told me. And that's what our family embraced.

So what the fuck happened between then and now?

How can my parents just give up on twenty years of marriage? Just like that?

I can't believe this. My mind and my heart is refusing to register what has just been uttered to me. Nobody wants to hear that their parents are getting divorced. Nobody. Because everyone knows that divorce doesn't only affect the parents—it affects the children too.

I don't know what to feel. I'm hurt and sad and angry at the same time. My hands are shaking and my lips are trembling and I can't stay still. My heart is aching and my blood is boiling and my head is hurting because it's refusing to believe that what is happening is happening right now.

"What?" Beth says, looking absolutely shocked. Her mouth is hanging right open and her eyes are lost. Her eyes are whipping back and forth between mom and dad, as if she can't quite believe what was just said. "What?"

"Beth, baby..." My mom wipes a tear from her eye. Little does she know that a thunderstorm is raging within the depths of me. "I know that it's a very huge thing to process and if you need time, we'll give it to you. No pressure."

Beth just sinks into her seat, looking smaller than ever. Both of us are still trying to let the revelation sink in that everything from this moment forward is going to change. Forever.

I don't know how long it's been, but it's long enough for both mom and dad to look at us uncomfortably. Awkward silence fills the air and I'm not going to be the first one to break it. It's bad enough that I'm breaking and shattering and collapsing from the inside out already.

"Uh, well, now would be a good time to say something," my dad clears his throat. "Girls?"

"This is fucking unbelievable," are the first words to come out from my mouth. All three pairs of eyes snap to my direction.

My mom's eyes are spilling with tears. "Sienna, I know it's hard to understand—"

"No, no it's not," I say steadily, trying to calm the storm that's raging in my body, drumming against my chest. But it's hard to contain it. I'm not that strong. I bang my fist against the table. "This is ridiculous. It's fucking ridiculous!"

"Sienna, calm down-" My dad starts off but I cut him off.

"Don't you dare tell me to calm down," I stand up, pointing an accusing finger at him. He immediately stills, his eyes wide with shock at the strength and sharpness in my voice. I look at the both of them. They don't even look sorry that their marriage completely fell apart. I can't even believe it. "Twenty years of marriage? For nothing! You guys just gave up!"