Imagining The Beyond

Imagining The Beyond

Arayvia Jones

Being alone, scares me the most. I lay here, in the unknown ruins of forgotten souls, well at least it feels like it. Even though I'm in the comfort of my own room. It doesn't feel the same. I miss the old days, when I was little. Not caring about anything. My imagination taking it's toll on everything. Not understanding the real world. Never stressing out, not caring about my looks, or anything at all. I remember me wishing to be an adult. "Oh, how rich I'll be, in a huge house with lots of cars, I can't wait!" Now that I think about it, it's not that easy. Even though time goes by the same, it feels like sometimes moments just fly in a blink of an eye. Enjoy life, you'll never know when it'll end. Even if life isn't at it's happiest, just remember this, someone is wishing to live a life like yours.

You mostly remember happy moments from the past, always try to make the best out of it, even if it seems hard. Whatever age you are now, think ahead into 10 years. In your life. May seem like a long time. But time will soar by so fast. Next thing you know, it's your future self thinking back into this exact moment. 85 years, seems like a long time. An average life of a human being. From the time a baby is born. The moment it opens it's eyes, from the time it learns how to communicate. We're born with basic abilities of surviv. With very little thought in mind. Then once we age, we go into grade school. Continuing our knowledge, expanding into many subjects of capability. Expanding off more knowledge, preparing ourselves mentally wise into adulthood. All that in 85 years, may seem long, in reality it's short. The galaxy within is is billions of years old.  New stars and galaxies dying and being born every moment. Repeating it's cycle. Like a human life. Being born, living life, then sadly, dying. Life is short, live up every moment.

Think on the bright side, someone, somewhere no matter what, wants to live a life like yours. Humans are just tiny specks that live not as long as the galaxy within us. We're made up of those small atoms. We're all the same within the inside, but different in the out. Realizing these thoughts made me think it is true. Enjoy life. I lay in the comfort of my room. Looking out the window. Feeling the cold breeze flowing from it. The foggy sky making me want to wrap in a ball to maintain warmth. Laying here all alone, being use to always being alone. All my thoughts crush my inner mind. To nch thinking into the future, where will I be? Who will I be? Then back into the past. When my childhood was great. The quietness lurks deep into me. To the point where I can hear voices. My mind playing tricks on me. My dark light room making me want to just close my eyes forever.

The cool air refreshing me, then making me shiver at the same time. I feel so lonely, the only thing keeping me company is my many thoughts. I'm tired if being alone, I'm tired of over thinking. Life's short, you don't stay young forever. Laying here, hoping for my future to be great. To be filled with many memories of happiness. So I look back when I'm older and smile back. Even though I'm still young now, and these are the ages where I'm suppose to live it up. I hope I have a bright future ahead of me. All my overthinking has really gotten to me. I decide to lay back in bed. I look up, into the ceiling. Concentrating on nothing. Clearing my mind. Next thing I know my eyes are closed.  I'm dreaming. Waking back up, I look around. Nothing looks familiar, where am I? This isn't my room! It feels like I'm loosing my mind already. I stand up, looking around in confusion;

My soul fills with emptiness, the quietness lurks into me, to the point where I wonder if I can even hear. I'm trapped in the unknown ruins of this so called 'room'. It's paper dull white walls creep into my inner skin, reflecting into an abnormal color. The only sound entering my ears is the sound of my own heartbeat and breathing. Which make me think about how beautiful life can be. My life fills with hours upon hours of loneliness, thinking if I'm the only person on earth because of the deep trenching quietness that fills my inner self with many thoughts that no human being could understand.  

The thin dry air fills my lungs, exhaling out the unwanted and storing in the good. Helping me in order to survive. My stomach growls with hunger, shrinking tightly within every hour. Who knows how long it'll last. My vision blurring and refocusing into the plain white walls trying to generate a better view of things. But the only thing it can see is the boring dull walls which confuse it's imagination.  Now imagining water,  the sweet soothing relaxing sound, which no two running waterfalls may sound the same. It's blue color relaxing the human brain.

Bringing in peace, forgetting about  the stress of a daily life. The closer I come the louder the sound gets, suddenly the blue color turns into a crystal clear illusion. Reflecting off whatever's above it. I step even closer. Kneeling down, looking at my own reflection.  With no expression at all. Then up into my dull eyes. The reflection revealing my inner beauty no matter how i think of myself. . Still staring into my eyes. Like I'm looking into someone else's. Everything begins to slowly fade and vanish. Like i'm entering another galaxy, filled with many possibilities in just a blink of an eye.

The water deteriorates, the waterfall sound slowly getting quieter till all I hear is my inner thoughts.  Next thing I know, i'm in a black location. Everything is dark, pitch dark black, quiet as ever. Like I'm being sucked into a black hole. Small tiny stars slowly form around my body. The darkness turns into a dark blue. A high pitch ringing sound enters my ears. translating into my brain. Making possible guesses of what it could be. I'm not worried, or scared, i'm perfectly calm. Floating, into mid space, into nothing. The galaxy is born, right in front of my eyes. Now experiencing something that doesn't seem real.  The small galaxy stars form. Then separate miles upon miles of each other. Its like a movie scene, doesn't seem like reality.

2 small blue dots getting larger by the second. Then 7 small brown dots separate from each other stretching apart, the final small dot is a greenish blue, its in the center. I stare at it in confusion. Finally realizing its the planets of our solar system. Again right in front of me, noticing it's final form. The high pitch sound getting louder. I begin to fall, gravity taking it's toll. Carrying you like a feather in a tornado. Ripping apart your body, yet feeling no pain.  tearin up my skin. My blood rising with me, covering my face, which is now soaked in my own blood.

Bam,

it's over. Quite for 20 seconds, now 30. Suddenly hearing breathing, slow constant breathing.  Opening my eyes, realizing I'm laying down, now getting up. Light headed and dizzy. I'm back inside the dull white room. Like time never passed at all. Then it feels like force is being pushed into me. Like something or someone is trying to push me to the ground. My heart pounding. Not knowing what to do. Next thing I know I'm fighting for my own strength. Everything freezing. I wake up, back into reality. Back into my dark light room. Back into the comfort of my own room.  My Imagination had taken its toll  on me. I'll never know where it'll go next.

Now having a huge headache, my mind is not acting normal, all these crazy thoughts somewhat scare me. Making me think twice about things. Maybe it right, i am spending too much time alone. I just can't change things. People won't except me. I'm like one of those girls no one pays attention to, like im non existent. A walking ghost girl. But then they’ll wish they knew me cause maybe one day, i will be known. I will be thanked for my existence. People will actually admire me. I could be a model, or actress, who knows, i just wish for the best future ahead of me.