radio silence

because sometimes it gets too loud up here.

because I'll never tell how it rips me apart.

because I'll never tell how terrible it feels.

because I'll never tell what really goes on.

because I'll never tell how scared I am.

because I'll never tell how lonely I get.

because I'll never tell how much I ache to scream.

because I'll never tell how much I whisper at night.

because I'll never tell why I can't sleep.

because I'll never tell how dark it gets.

because I'll never tell how naive I truely am.

because I'll never tell about my ghosts.

because I'll never tell what happens when I'm alone.

because I'll never tell how this pain is always there.

because I'll never tell how much I've lied.

because I'll never tell how little I know.

because I'll never tell how angry I am.

because I'll never tell how lonely I am.

because I'll never tell how lost I am.

because I'll never tell how confused I am.

because I'll never tell how dark I am.

because I'll never tell how hurt I am.

because I'll never tell how hopeless I am.

because my head is too loud and this world is so quiet.

because I don't want to explain or think or speak.

because its crowded and dark and rotten in my mind.

because I need to breathe without suffocating.

because I just don't want to anymore.

because I hope I'm not the only one.

because I know nothing but feel everything.

because I don't understand but I care too much.

because the words are beyond me and mean more than can be written.

because those who know stop understanding.

because there are too many reasons and not enough explanations

because sometimes I forget and lose control.

because I want to stop.

just for a moment.

just silence up in my head for this time.

just silence, nothing else.

hush now.

and then I can go on.

[hello october, radio silence]