Lost in a black world

How i met him

Have you ever met someone who you completely trusted? Someone who made you feel safe? Neither had I. It was a gradual thing something that came with time. Spencer was just an average guy from school. I mean sure we were pretty close friends but once I started opening up to him, that's when I knew things were different. I spent so long building up walls from people and hiding all my emotion but talking to him just felt... Easy and special. The day I became his girlfriend wasn't like the scenes you see in the movies. I had doubts; did I really want to trust someone? Did I actually want a relationship? But it felt right you know? And now I'm stuck in a cycle. I depend on him, depend on him way too much and every time this monster inside my head comes out I convince myself. I convince myself that he doesn't like me. That he's using me. That I shouldn't trust him. And he knows things, knows things about me that no one else knows but still the little voice inside my head comes into play speaking things into my mind: if he knew the real you, the you who hates themselves everyday, would he still love you? And it's killing me. No this isn't your typical love story. It might not even be a love story after all. Just a story. A story of acceptance and forgiveness.