I don't know what is right.
I don't even know if I should do what's right or be myself. I am not a good person at all. I'm selfish, impatient, unemphatic, and cruel. But when I try to be good, it just doesn't feel right. I don't know whether I should love or hate, be independent or clingy, like able or a bitch. I just don't know whether I should be myself or not.
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick of not knowing, being confused and not being right. I want to be free, but my morals tell me I can't just not help the world. I'm not sure whether I should let go and be who I want to be, or help society with my limited talents and life span.
Why can't I just know.
Why can't I be brave, even though I value it highly. Why can't I be kind even though I cherish it. Why can't I just be my bitchy self and not ever have to deal with morals.
Perhaps my morals are myself.
But then, why am I always so sad and want to be someone else all the time.
All my life I have been told that if you are good, you will feel good, but I don't. I feel restrained and not myself, thirsty for something I feel is unattainable.
I just want to be me.
