for you. (EXO - HunHan - fanfic)

for you.

           

           All he desired was his big brother’s undivided attention and love, but his wishes were never granted.  He knew in public he acted like the perfect modeling hyung, but once they leave the eyes of the public, he would act like he didn’t exist.  Luhan had the face of an innocent angel, but his heart was dark and careless.  Their personalities were complete opposite, but growing up without feeling the warmth of love, it’s understandable.

            At least to Sehun, it was completely understandable.

            At a young age, both their parents died due to a fatal car crash.  Sehun was with them, and for years, Luhan blamed him for their death.  Since then, nothing has been the same for the younger brother.  Crying himself to sleep at night, skipping meals, having no one to turn to—he was always the brink of giving up.

            Yet despite the pain, all he wanted was his hyung’s love.

            He could never bring himself to apologize to Luhan.  Sehun couldn’t form the words on how to apologize.  The memories that remained of his parents is that they were all smiling, laughing, until he saw the world revolving around him and blackness engulfed his vision.  Screams haunted his dreams, but he couldn’t figure out whose scream that belonged to.  It wasn’t too important.  Knowing who it belonged to will haunt him even more.

            As usual, they would walk to school together; Luhan keeping his head high, waving and smiling at people who greet him while Sehun would keep his head hanging and feet dragging.  It was Sehun who had to keep up with Luhan, but the big brother never bothered glancing at his little brother.  Once they reached the school grounds, they went separate ways, Sehun watching his hyung from the distance and two words echoing in his mind that he couldn’t muster the courage to say.

            I’m sorry.

            Lucky for Sehun, he had a few faithful friends that helped his pain ease away.  He would laugh to where it hurt to breathe, and to where he forgot his painful past and heartbreaking present.  Kai and Chanyeol treated him well, but once it’s time for them to leave school and head home, Sehun’s painful reality would strike him all over again—Just like it did every day.

            He would walk home alone, clenching his jaw tightly from the bitter cold.  Cold days like this always reflected just how he would feel.  A gray sky, slight breeze, and a light fog hanging in the air.  Everyday walking home, Sehun would wander what convinced Luhan that it was his fault their parents died.  Perhaps he needed something or someone to blame, since accepting his parents died without even having a proper goodbye.  What was the last thing they did together before their lives were stripped away?  Shaking his head, Sehun would proceed on walking home.

            One day, Sehun arrived home and was surprised to see Luhan invited an incredible amount of friends home.  Two of them were Kay and Chanyeol.  All of his friends greeted him warmly, but he stood there in wander on how they all managed to arrive here before he did.  Pushing the thought aside, Sehun gave them a wry grin before dragging his feet to his room, locking himself in the stuffy room and focused on his studied.

            There was a knock on his door and a deep voice followed afterwards, “Sehun?”

            The maknae lifted his brows. “Y-Yes?”

            “Will you be alright if we, uh, have a few drinks?”

            His words made him frown.  Of course Sehun minded if they drank, because eventually they would go out of control, but there was no stopping it.  Luhan would be too hung-over to clean, so Sehun willingly cleaned up their mess for them.  It always hurt knowing his own friends drank with Luhan, but telling them how it bothered would make him seem bossy.