Maybe A Cry For Help

how strange

I can go from bouncing off the walls to curled up in a ball of shivering loneliness at the drop of the hat. Not a normal thing to do i know. Unnatural. Unhealthy. I know. It doesnt matter who i could have been all morning and throughthe afternoon but as soon as i am home and alone everything drops. My mood, the sun, my head into my hands. It all drops. I all slows. It all stops. Theres nothing i can do to stop it, it just happens. It springs up like a panther in the dark hunting its prey. However i am both the problem and the solution. Only i can send myself spiralling into madness but onlyi can pull myself back. Only i can stop myself. Its just finding the strength, and a method to do so. I usually turn to music as a way to comfort myself. Its a way to drift away. To dissapear. To hide away. To an outsider these fits of aggression, anxiety and abnormal distress could be brought by a sad song, bad news or even the sorrowful ending of a favored book. But to me wi know it takes as little as a glimpse in the mirror to leave me doubled over in a mental pain unseeable to the observer. I may not even have to see anything i could just remember something as petty as walking into someone and knocking them over. I am sensitive. I am anxious. I over think untill i cannot think anymore. My mind and memories throw me off course for tasks that are simple to complete, ultimately leaving me incapable of anything. Thats when all i long for is music. Something to focus on. Some people think im addicted. Others think I'm abnormal. Some people just watch and think "how strange"

An: do not take any advice from me. Do not worry about me and the things i write about because honestly (for the moment) im coping alright. This is just a rant to keep me busy and forget what i was freaking out about