I Love You And I Fucking Hate You

Mistake

Taylor Schilling stared at the blank ceiling and wondered how she could get herself stuck in such a messed up situation. She could still recall stumbling towards her phone, calling Ruby Rose and invite her over. One thing led to another, alcohol got involved and she was now lying in Ruby's arms, with their naked bodies tangled. Sure, she had fun. Though everything was a bit confusing because of all the drinking, she could still remember Ruby's body over hers, as her short brown hair driped sweat and she made Taylor walk towards her climax. Ruby was amazing, but Ruby wasn't her. She didn't have the confident smirk, the charming wink, the sweet smile or the raspy voice. She couldn't make Taylor's stomach hurt from laughing so much like she did. And when she was with Ruby, all she could imagine was a curtain of brown dark hair falling over her shoulders, a pair of midnight blue eyes gazing straight into hers as she made her have the greatest moments of her life. Ruby was great. But Ruby wasn't Laura. And all Taylor could think of was Laura. And she had a deep feeling of guilt. She was aware she had used Ruby, that obviously liked her more than a good friend. Taylor knew that if she was sober, she wouldn't probably had sex with Ruby. It had been a mistake and she was afraid it would lift false hopes or, even worst, ruin her comfortable friendship with Ruby. And she couldn't push away her feelings from Laura either, she couldn't. She had tried in the beginning, but it was worthless. Taylor controled herself from chuckling at the irony of the situation. Laura had the same effect on Taylor that Alex Vause had on Piper Chapman, and it was ridiculous. Taylor knew that she wouldn't forget Laura easily. Even worst because they were amazing friends. With Laura, Taylor could be herself. She could cry for no reason, laugh at some stupid joke and just do dance breaks or goofy shit if she wanted to. Laura was her safe place. She felt this fizzy warmth in her stomach when she was around the tall girl, and she loved it. The question was: if Taylor was so deeply in love with Laura, why had she called and taken advantage of Ruby? Because she was a bad person. And that was keeping her awake. She had messed with Ruby's feelings and she could feel her heart pound at the thought of the next morning. They would wake up and then what? Pretend that nothing happened? Taylor needed to get her shit together and fix her mistake. She could still blame Laura. If she hadn't said those things and made that decision that afternoon... Taylor wouldn't be in Ruby's arms.

"I'm going to California." Laura droped the bomb and Taylor gasped, almost spitting the sip of water she had just drank, out of her mouth.

"You're what?" She asked, surprised and, at the same time, hopeful she might have heard it wrong.

"I'm going down to California. You know, I need to get away from... all of this." Laura spoked in a soft and kind of ashamed tone, not looking up from her hands, in her lap.

"Get away from what?" Taylor asked and Laura shrugged.

"I don't know. The city." She said and the blonde haired woman knew she was just throwing stuff to fill the air.

"You want to get away from the city so you're going to California? Really? Couldn't you make up something a little more stupid?" Taylor asked, already feeling a little angry towards Laura's words.

"I don't know, okay? I-It doesn't matter... I just want some vacation that's all." She lied once again and Taylor bitted her lower lip, rolling her eyes.

"Come on, Laura. I know you and you're lying. You're a terrible liar, you know? Please tell me the truth." The shorter girl reached to hold Laura's hand, knowdesting it was shaking a little bit and extremely cold.

"I'm not lying, I just don't have a reason, alright? I'm visiting some friends." She said, still not looking up and chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"Tell me the truth, Laura." Taylor pleaded and suddently, Laura pulled her hand away.

"I'm telling you the fucking truth, Taylor! I need some time alone, away from here, from work, from y-..." Laura sighted and the tension on her jaw line and shoulders disappeared. "I don't owe you explanations of my life, I'm an adult. I want to get my freaking ass in California because I want to."

Taylor sighted, feeling her eyes start to burn and her throat tighting. She swallowed her own spit and looked down as well.

"I'm sorry, Tay," Laura interrupted the silence. Now she was the one holding Taylor's hand, gently. "The reason is not important. I just came to say goodbye. Can you respect my decision please?"

"For how long will you be there?" Taylor asked, still tense.

"I don't know. A couple of weeks, I guess." Laura shrugged and Taylor looked up.

"I respect your decision, Laura. Have a nice trip," The blonde forced a smile and stood up. "I'll take you to the door."

"Are we okay?" Laura stood up from the couch, grabbing a hold of Taylor's hand again.

Taylor sighted loudly and smiled genuinly. Though she was upset that Laura was leaving with no explanation and there was obviously one, she didn't want to be mad.

"Of course." She smiled.

Since there was nothing else to say, Laura pulled Taylor to a tight hug. She held on to the blonde's waist. Taylor always loved the way her head would perfectly fit in Laura's neck when they hugged, and she tried to make the most of the few seconds that the brunette's body was glued to her's. She felt Laura's body being taken by tension and hugged her tighter.

"Hey, are you okay?" She pulled away softly and saw a single tear on the corner of the tall girl's eye, that made Taylor's heart fall deep inside her stomach.

"Yeah," Laura nodded, with a trembling voice. "I'm just going to miss you a lot, Taylor."

All Taylor could think of, as she remembered what happened before she stumbly called Ruby, was that Laura was confusing. She couldn't understand why she had acted so weird and was running away like that. Afraid that her anger would wake Ruby up, she rolled over softly and layed down as far from the short haired brunette as possible. Closing her eyes, she could almost feel Laura's body pushed against her's and her vanilla scent, and she drifted asleep with a smile on her face.

Heyy, and thank you right away for reading the first chapter of my first fanfiction 'I Love You And I Fucking Hate You' from Orange Is The New Black and Taylor Schilling/Laura Prepon.

I always love to hear feedback and ideas so don't feel taken back to send me a private message or leave a sugestion or opinion in the comments.

Since I really like Taylor Schilling/Laura Prepon, if you have a fanfiction about them, please send me a private message so I can check it out.

Thank You Again!!! <3

Please keep track!!!

xxx_vauseman_xxx