rewind » karmagisa

01:00

the hour for the truth
[ karma ]

"i feel like shit." karma groaned, sitting down on the table. his head was pounding loudly and his body felt like it was going to give up.

"you drank too much," nagisa says, handing him a cup of coffee. "here."

"thanks." he muttered softly, closing his eyes. nagisa's coffee skills have improved—wait, nagisa?! karma snapped his eyes open, ignoring the throbbing pain it caused. "what're you doing here?"

"good morning to you too, karma." he says, rolling his eyes.

damn it.

"you were so drunk last night," nagisa says. "they told me to bring you home."

karma sighed, rubbing his temples. he grabbed his coffee, opening the door towards his balcony. the view of the sea had always calmed karma, waves crashing one after another, slapping each other.

"karma, what happened to us?" nagisa asks silently, leaning beside him on the balcony.

"we grew into two handsome men," he replied, grinning. "i'm hotter than you, by the way."

nagisa rolled his eyes. maybe he was expecting a serious answer, maybe he wasn't. karma was never one for serious talks, nor relieving the past.

"i know," nagisa says quietly. "i know why you did it, karma. i know who your father is."

at this, karma turned his head, whipping it so hard it hurt. his eyes widened, lips almost parting in shock.

"he knew of your feelings, he said. he noticed it," nagisa says dryly. "he was the reason why you broke me even more."

"more?"

nagisa let out a dry smile. "my mother died that day," nagisa replies, sipping his coffee. "it was overdose. i guess, she couldn't take it anymore."

karma felt like a complete asshole. he could feel his throat constricting. he felt nauseous, each part of his stomach was tingling in pain, yet he could not let it out, it was stuck there, like how he could not speak—apologize or plainly explain.

"i was a wreck for days. you were my first friend and honestly, you were the one who first accepted me as i am," nagisa says. "i was kind of sad when you placed some distance between us.

he bit his lower lip, before he chuckled. "i admired you back then," he admits. "after awhile, i kind of fell. you weren't pretending. you didn't give any attention to the people who thought sick of you. you didn't even spare them a glance."

"nagisa—"

"let me finish, please." he says, politely. "i guess, it was more fragile than snow, our relationship. it was more like silence really. if you speak, it would break. it was more like that and you just spoke so casually it broke so casually."

tears started dropping one after the other. cold droplets dripping on karma's toes. each tear that dropped brought him pain, as frequent as the waves that hit the shore.

"but it was for the best." karma says. "we both got what we wanted."

"except each other." nagisa hiccups. "i may have loved you that time, karma."

"but we can't..." karma breathes deeply. "we can't go back anymore, can we?"

a pause.

"no." nagisa replies. "i need to let that out, thank you."

nagisa had gathered his things and each step he took felt heavy for karma. each step felt like he was drifting farther away from him. each step slapped him in the face.

nagisa, i'm sorry.
i didn't want to lose you, not you of all people.

words hang on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't find a voice—his own voice wouldn't come out. he could feel his heart clenching in pain.

he remembered nagisa's smile. that smile that had tricked thousands of people, a sweet innocent smile.

he remembered the conviction his eyes held when they fought. nagisa had changed, he knew immediately.

he remembered the solemn look that nagisa's face had when he put some distance between them.

he remembered the fear he felt when he saw nagisa all alone, a knife on his hand, battling a professional military person.

he remembered...

karma bit back a cry.

he swallowed those memories deep inside, buried them, most likely. as he wallowed in the sea of memories, his eyes closed when nagisa had closed the door, a cold drop of water falling to his toes.

and as each droplet fell one by one, karma swallowed the memories he had one by one, each a lot more painful than the previous one.

"it's better this way." he says to himself, looking down at a familiar small figure. "it's better this way."

he curses, knees dropping to the floor. "if only i could rewind time," he says. "it would never have turned out this way."

if only he gathered his courage in that second, maybe he would still be here, maybe his steps weren't so heavy in his ears. maybe—

"humans crave for something they cannot have," he says quietly. "just like how i cannot rewind time."

time represented their memories and the clock has broken down, leaving memories buried in the past.

E N D

omfg. i'm so sorry karmaaaa! i don't want you to suffer. bitch nah. i managed to finish this <3 trolololol. i am soooo not satisfied with this but oh well.

this is the end guys 💕 thank you for the ride. See you in soulbound ♡