So this is just going to be random writing from my Evernote hope you enjoy .
From my Ever Note Vault
Adding this today written previously.
And sometimes my mind keeps me up all night. My body is dead but my mind ready to for any task it finds worthy of doing. And if it chooses nothing is worth its effort it thinks. I mean, I think, right? There's something about thinking or planning while everyone else is asleep. Its as if your the only one on the earth free with your own thought' free to decide on choices without judgment or bad advice. There's been many mornings were I've"woken" to my homework being complete' or a list of numbers and things to accomplish the next day. Many other days iv thought over things Ive done or had done to me' these reflections mostly give me the strength to put things behind an start a new day. Sometime thou I'm left to ponder on, or to suffer from a memory lapse of that certain problem until it hunts me down' usually causing another night of wakefulness. Time to sleep for an hour that's a possibility. But dreams, well dreams they haunt me. All my fears come alive in my mind. Reminding me that there still there, just waiting for a moment of weakness. Than the can spring to life and drag me back down. All progress lost.
I want to stand an fight. Defend my pride. Revenge, hardens my blood. structures of society have failed me. Leaving me without rightful options. Time may heal lots but it doesn't always let you forget. Forgive. Never. Forgetting though would ve nice, haven't they taking enough? Grant me that, God and I would go back to believing. Thoughts; just thoughts.
Lost close to everything, almost bought it all back. Still don't feel right knowing how hard I worked. unaffected they get to live on.while my shoulders crush under the weight of shame/ pride still inside me somewhere, they couldn't take that; not yet. Broken down; buy my hearts still beating, always believed in truth and I'm still breathing.
When I dust of my shoes I think of you. . Dirt, lower than the lowest. definition of the things you hate.
The worst, having hope. Hope in humans. May as well become a suicide bomber. Almost all if not would leave you to die, if it meant even the smallest fortune for themselves. Ive said it before, people love themselves&theyre pride.
Im not about to hide or give up; and neither should you. Life' is so many things, beautiful, horrible, ironic, degrading, empowering, educating, confusing, random, unexplainable, terrifying... its the only thing we actually have that is ours. We can choose most of what is to happen. When it feels like their nothing to live for. Remember that living for yourself is enough. The world might have a million things that are horrible but there's still lots that's beautiful.
I'm not saying it is what we make it, because I know damn well its not.
Society isn't perfect' nor are we..
