Recovery: A Phan Fiction

One

Slamming open the cold metal door that leads to the roof, I spotted him standing there on the ledge with his arms spread out like a bird about to take flight. Cold wind whipped at my face, blowing my bangs out of my face as I screamed in fear, stumbling forward.

"Dan, no!" Regaining my balance, I leapt forward and reached out my arms in hopes of grabbing hold of his shirt. My fingers made contact with the soft, cool fabric of his hoodie and I clung tightly to it. With one burst of strength, I yanked him back onto the hard surface of the roof.

It was only when he lost his balance and fell backwards that he opened his eyes in shock. "What the-" he shouted angrily as he fell heavily on his back, his head hitting off the cement. His mouth hung open, his expression an odd mixture of fear, confusion and anger.

Tears ran down my face as I shouted at him, shaking my head and messily wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. "Dan, why would you do this to me?" I shivered as another cold gust of wind blew over my bare arms and face.

It was as though my voice had broken through a barrier in his mind, as he suddenly sat straight up, turning to stare at me. His dark brown eyes were nearly covered by his long bangs that had fallen from their usual sidesweep.

"Ph-Phil..." his voice was quiet and shakey, unlike his usually low and steady speech. I watched as silent tears formed at his eyes and he slowly put his head down. I could feel my heart shattering as I reached forward, placing my hand on his arm.

"Dan," I whispered, before I suddenly leaned forward, wrapping my arms around him. He tensed out of surprise, before slowly leaning his head back down on my shoulder. I could feel his warm tears soaking into my shirt as he sobbed quietly.

My best friend, the one person who had always been strong and wise when he first heard the news was now falling apart at the seams. His quiet resolve and brave outlook were now long gone.

This was his third suicide attempt this month.

"Phil," he said quietly, coughing a bit as he raised his head to look into my eyes. He reached up, swiping his hair away from his eyes so I could completely see the pain reflected within them.

Another gust of wind blew over us, and I shivered violently again. Dan frowned, unzipping his warm black jacket. Before I could object, he had it draped over my shoulders and wrapped it around my exposed arms.

"Phil, I'm sorry." He looked back into my eyes, as a single tear still lingered on his cheek. "Everything I've been putting you through is completely wrong. What happened is bad enough, but now with me..." He stopped as he began to choke on his own words, reaching up to wipe away the straggler still on his face.

I shook my head, leaning back and placing my hand on his arm. "No. This is the last time this happens, and I'll make sure of it. I'll get you to a therapist, to a hospital, whatever it takes for you to overcome this." I hated not knowing what Dan was going through, being far too unaware of the pain he was experiencing to help him myself.

He gave a weak smile, the sweet dimples forming at the corners of his mouth. "I don't know what you can do Phil. When my brain makes that kind of decision, its like I can no longer stop it unless an outside force intervenes and turns off my internal autopilot." He sadly shrugged, looking down at his feet.

I stood up, holding out my hand to Dan, which he immediately took. As he stood up, I wrapped my arms around him again, pulling him tightly against me. "We're going to get through this Dan." I could feel tears beginning to fall on my shoulder again as he hugged me back.

Without warning, he suddenly looked up and kissed me. It felt warm and welcoming, his soft lips pressed firmly against my own. And in that instant, I knew deep down inside of me that we indeed would make it through this.

Little did I know that he would have to do it without me.