Diane

A Beginning

"Diane?" mother would speak, opening my door like she always does. "Breakfast is ready, honey. Come get it!"

I struggled to open my eyes, rubbing them in hopes to get my vision back. Today was the first day of school again and I couldn't wait to make new friends and see familiar faces! I got to pick out my breakfast today, too! I watched my mother leave the room with a smile, telling me not to take too long, but that there was no hurry. I made sure to hurry and put on my favorite shirt, shorts, and shoes (although, mom would have to tie them). Grabbing my backpack, I ran out my room and down the steps, taking my spot in the kitchen when I reached it.

"I already got a plate for you, sweetie," said my dad, pointing to the plate on the table. A grin was on his face. "Are you excited for second grade?"

"Yeah!" I answered, then sitting at the table to eat. "I can't wait to see Catie again! I heard she got a new puppy and I wanna know how she's treating it."

"Sounds like you're in for a lot of news," he spoke back. "Are you going to tell her about your trip to your grandparents in Florida?"

"She'll tell the whole school, Mike! She tells people in the park all the time," mom came in. She was right, though. I did want to tell everyone how I went to Florida. I wish I could live there, but when I asked grandma, she said no and just laughed at me. I don't really think she got it.

I just listened to their conversation, absorbing the information like a sponge, but not as capable of holding it in quite the same way. I was thinking. I really wish things were like this more often--mom and dad and me all talking and laughing. It's not like we never do this, but sometimes they don't even look at each other. I just worry. I thought every family was like this until first grade.

"Diane! You alright?" I looked over to see dad giving me an odd stare. "Good, at least you're still alive," he said, noticing my movement.

The rest of breakfast was stale. The atmosphere was stiff. No one talked because I was the only one in the kitchen. I lost my appetite after that, eating only my bacon and leaving my eggs alone.

Mom came in after a few minutes, getting me to go out the door with her, saying bye to my dad in the process. She buckled me in, quickly tying my shoes after I told her she forgot to do that. She started up the car, letting it sit for a quick few moments before taking off. Mom always did this thing where she drove past this one house in the mornings, stopping a little and peeking at the windows. Sometimes a man would come out and wave at her and they'd speak for a bit before she left.

"He's been my friend since middle school," she'd tell me. "I'm just trying to keep in touch! You like talking with your friends, too, right?"

I'm told I'm smart for my age--more mature. But, I didn't really ask to be. I wish I didn't understand all the things mom and dad did. My brain forced me to piece it all together.

Today, though, he didn't come out. I was happy. It was the first good thing to set my day in an enjoyable direction. Mom felt sad, though, and I didn't like to see her gloomy. Even though I didn't like what she's doing, I can't hate her.

We reached the school and she unlocked the car doors for me, leaning over and giving me a kiss on the cheek before I hopped out. I walked away from the car, headed for the school doors, giving mom a wave and a smile. She'd probably need it.

We're told to sit in the gym on the first day always and then they call our names to follow our new teacher. I wanted Mrs. Smith this year. I heard she was really funny and nice from my friend whose brother had Mrs. Smith when he was in second grade.

"Hi, Catie!" I called out when I spotted her, running her way and waving my arm. Her face must have lit up like I know mine did, her expression radiated a certain energy of happiness that you could just feel. She looked like she wanted to speak to me about something.

"Diane, I've been waiting for you to get here," she told me in a relieved tone of voice. "Did you hear about my new dog? I got to name him Steven! It's a good name, right? He's so cute! You'll have to come over to my house and see him today, okay? We can play with him."

"Steven is a good name!" I agreed. I don't think that would be the first name to come to my mind, but I don't think I hate the name Steven. I think her dog would be strong, just like his name sounds. "You sure your parents will let me walk over today?"

Catie nodded her head almost immediately in response. "I already asked them this morning. I want to ask Sam, too."

Sam was another good friend of ours. He was kind and I don't think there was much of anyone who didn't like Sam. I would have continued the conversation, but the teacher silenced us so that the principal could call our names to tell us what teacher we would be going with.

Of course, I didn't have good luck. I got Ms. Krynn this year and Sam got Mrs. Smith and Catie got Mr. Coan. I didn't know a lot about Ms. Krynn, though, so I couldn't hate getting her. She could turn out to be a good person.

But, oh my, was she boring when we finally got into her class. She spent almost the entire first hour of class telling us about rules and her stories about past students who broke rules. She kept asking us our thoughts on those students or why they would do that. She kept trying to make sense of their actions and didn't get angry. I was amazed by her attitude. But, all this fascination turned into anxiety as she told everyone to come up and introduce themselves. I was excited by the idea of making friends, but I didn't think that idea held up within me for too long.

There was quite a few people who went before me, the first being Jacob Falcon. He seemed really happy about seeing everyone in here and said that everyone could play with him at recess if they wanted. If Catie and Sam just wanted to sit around at recess, I might consider playing with this Jacob kid.

The other kids would introduce themselves, saying their hobbies, favorite color, or something along the lines. Martin Hermin, Mary Wyce, Kyle Staermin, and so on. However, after them, the teacher called my name, asking me if I would like to introduce myself. I couldn't say no.

I sucked in the anxiousness within my body and walked to the front of the room. I put on the biggest smile I could.

"Uh, hi! My name is Diane and I'm seven years old. Um . . . My favorite color is salmon pink and all of you can call me your friend!"

It felt weird because no one talked. They just watched me. This, however, was not something I was unused to. I waited a few moments to see if the teacher had any questions to ask (she didn't) before walking myself back to my desk.

The rest of the day was stale, all but recess. We just did little coloring sheets and then got to watch a video, too. Ms. Krynn said that she wasn't going to make the first day stressful for anyone and that we could just relax or sleep even. I was tempted to take that offer, but never did.

I was really happy of this coloring sheet I finished of Cinderella. Mr. Krynn has colored pencils and not crayons, which I don't like as much. I tried really hard to stay in the lines. I did go out a few times but I stayed in almost all of it and make sure not to leave a lot of white spots. I wanted to give it to someone I care about. I wanted to give it to my parents. But, I decided I'd let Catie keep it. She likes Cinderella more, anyways.

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I hate days like this. Days when they yell at each other and argue. Dad hasn't been keeping up with his share of the bills lately, I hear. They're not really subtle about their information. I can still hear them in my room.

Mom told him how he's been doing nothing but ruining their relationship.

Dad says he's trying to be good to her but that she's too ungrateful to recognize it and she pushes him away.

I didn't dare ask to go to Catie's after that. Mom went on a rampage and it sounded like she knocked something over and stormed out of the house, slamming the door with as much force as she could muster.

Sometimes, all I want to do is just go back to Florida. I never thought really hard about this in Florida. I never really zoned out about it in Florida.

If only it wasn't too much to ask.