FORBiDDEN*MyJournal

FORBiDDEN*

December27, 2015

You just don't know how you affected me so much. If you just only knew, or if I had the strength to confess it to you. Maybe it would make a lot of difference right now. Either way I'm sorry I had to feel this way. I tried to stop and suppress myself for feeling this way, but I can't, I just can't really. Ever since that night, that one awemazing night I can;t get out off of my mind. It keeps on bugging me. How I misses you so much, and this undeniable feeling that  my body long for you. Your touch, your sexy, husky voice, even your smell can't get out of me. You literally makes me lost my sanity. How I wish I had you, how I wish i could make you mine, ONLY mine, How I wish that it is you I'm with, instead of Him. But I know I can't have you, your too good to be true. At first, I'm regretting everything that happened, everything that we've shared that faithful night of drunkenness, that night of passion. Arggh, your  too young for me, (I have this rule that I won't fall to those who are younger than me, didn't know that its too early for me to say that-your the proof for that) the wild side of me got me in there, Oh heck! It could be due to me being not sober. But as the days goes, I actually like it it, NO scratch that, I actually love that, every single bit of it. How you make me mewl and scream in pleasure, how you make me moan. How you make me forget even the surroundings, I guess i just love it. ALL of it.

Of course, you don't know a thing, 'cos I don't want to tell you but I do like you, fucking yes I do, Holy Cheeseness I'm bursting in here. I just want to pull my hair off, knock myself cold, 'cos it's so wrong, so damn wrong to want you and too wrong to long for you the way I do.

And, that night when i saw you  making out with that girl, I realized two things, I'm hurting, that I want you ALL by MYSELF, i want you all just for me. I want that girl to be me, damn it should be me NOT her.  And the other one is, why do I even bother thinking this thoughts I can't have you, I can't just force myself to you, that's not me. That's why I started avoiding you, I had to even if it's so hard.

What's wrong with me??? I'm seeing someone yet I can't help myself from staring, glancing from afar and of course longing for you, it's as if there's this empty hole inside my chest that ONLY you can fill in the gaps. At your home, I don't want to do anything but to stare yes fucking stare, of course without you knowing. It's my fault though, I didn't stopped myself, I'm actually falling insanely for you. But I had to stopped this. I have to.