Im awake right now. Well, not awake. Im not one with all of my senses. It's one in the morning and I'm awake. That's all I know right now. I don't feel much. Just a little bit of excitment. I don't know what im excited for. Its that feeling. It's not butterfly's, or anything like that. Its like that feeling when your about to do something your passionate about. Like music, or art, or walking, or sex. The little things in life that make you excited. The things that bring you joy. The only reason im awake right now is because im all out of weed and I cant ever sleep. Damn, I wish I had some weed. I smoked it all, now im eating a pint of ice cream to wallow in my self pity. I should be happy though. He's a very sweet guy, he just asked me out and I said yes. I feel obligated to date him because he gave me a free joint. Hr tells me Im gorgeuos and sexy and hot. I dont see what he sees though. I dont think I ever will. He just wants sex. I can tell. Thats all that goes through his mind. He respects he though. Not as much as I would like to be respected by a man, but enough to make sure I'm comfortable with whats going on. He doesn't pressure me into things. And hes very shy, which I like. That means he wont push to much. He told me that he's falling in love with me. I dont think he is. Im sure he's just saying it. Thats what the last guy did. Within the first three minutes of us dateing he told me loved me. Fuckboy. I didnt believe him untill the end. And then one day he said "Im done." Nothing more, nothing less. No reason, he was just done. Done with my shit. I was sad about it at first but now that I think about it, I didnt really love him. I just told him i did. Hes very suicidal. He would guilt trip me. For example, he asked for nudes in the first week of dateing. I said no. He said that he was sorry and that he wanted to kill himself because he made me "uncomfortable". I gave in, and I gave in. Only with pictures though. We never fooled around.
