Stay 2

~13~

(Hello, yes I am still alive. Enjoy the update. Sorry for lateness (: )

It's been a while since Ciel and I argued. I really regret saying what I said. I just lost it. I've been under so much stress over what's happened and what Madam Esmerelda said, that I've stopped thinking about what I say before I say it.

I've stopped bothering with paper work. It's just not the same anymore. Before it was boring but nice because I had Lance, but now it's just boring. It's not like I was doing it when I was living with Ciel anyway. I miss Lance, I miss him a lot.

I pace my office, trying to hold back tears. I stop and look out the window. I just can't hold it in anymore. I've cried before, but I've never really sat down and cried over the fact that my life means nothing now. Well, I probably have. I don't know anymore. It's like everything good that happened in my life, never happened. I'm drowning in negativity and hopelessness.

It's funny. I find myself wallowing in self pity, in hope it would change something. Repeating my problems to myself in my head, hoping the universe will make a change for me.

I wipe my tears and sit down at my desk. I smile as I remember all the moments Lance and I shared. How he would make sure everything was perfect for me. The comforting smiles and hugs he gave me.

When.. He kissed me..

I turn my head and look at Lance. He looks into my eyes for awhile and then leans forward and presses his lips to mine. My eyes widen and I push him away.

"What in God's name are you doing?!" I yell and wipe my lips.

"I-I" he stutters, trying to find his words.

"I'll bathe myself. Leave." I look down.

"Yes Mistress.." He stands and pulls his sleeves down. He bows and walks out.

I look at the ceiling and sigh.

"Lance.."

I did have feelings for Lance at one point. When he kissed me, I felt them come back. That's why I had to be so harsh towards him. (A/N: Yeah, that just happened (: ) That on top of the fact that I have feelings towards two other men. I feel like a whore but I can't help it. When I'm with them, I feel like I'm at my happiest. But that was in the past. Now I just feel stress and other negative feelings.

I sigh and look back out the window. I see a carriage coming down my driveway. I quickly rush to the door and open it. The carriage stops and the door opens and someone steps out. The door closes revealing the person.

"Ciel.."

(Sorry for typos and stuff and for the late update. Exams are around the corner and everything is all shahishsoanshej. Thanks for the support and I'll try get the next chapter up soon)