[a/n listen to Oh No by Bring Me the Horizon (: ]
I remember the beginning.
It started with a jacket.
A soft grey, Pink Floyd jacket.
I draped the fabric over my exposed arms.
I only possessed the object because of a friend.
A friend who had snowy hair and snowy skin,
Who breathed in snowflakes often.
So that she felt happy.
A friend who was of the feminine nature as of birth.
A friend I loved dearly.
Sadly, that was not mutual.
But I never learned it till after.
She told Him to give me the jacket,
Because "I was cold".
In all honesty I was warmer than a Texas summer,
Yet I allowed her to sway Him my way.
His orange hair called me to Him,
Being a fire I wanted to thrust my hands into.
His brown eyes called me to Him,
Being a dark mystery that I wanted so eagerly to solve.
So he gave me a jacket,
Submitting to the friend.
I remember the next days.
His eyes often swayed my way.
I found myself searching for Him,
Yearning to learn more.
I remember Him moving desks.
He seemed so shy,
Yet so bold under the dreary sky's of our tiny town.
I remember Him sitting right behind me.
He'd often speak into my alert ears,
The ears that held many opaque conversations of the past pains they'd heard.
I remember the conversations.
Ones about that happy "non-drug".
Ones about his former loves.
Ones of joking, flirty banter.
All of them.
All of them burn their way through my mind.
Often dropping slight flickers from a burnt out fire,
Periodically.
I remember when we defied the set-in-stone laws.
When we rebelled against the walls that held us captive,
For most of our freshman year.
I remember the first time we left in the midst of classes together.
The air around our warm bodies was terribly cold.
It was rainy and wet,
But we couldn't care less.
At that time the friend,
She was There.
Along with Another.
Another, she was true.
A true friend.
We hid out,
In tall, green stubs that were for aesthetic display.
Whispering of our sneaky plans.
At first, Two.
Two at a time.
Two were to go.
So we went.
We ran to the run-down building.
We were clear out of sight,
We were 'safe'.
Inside,
The inside of There was disgraceful.
Disgusting.
But we found it a safe haven.
A place to become happy,
In the middle of our Hell on earth.
A place to inhale the happiness.
We went no more than a few times.
To There.
I remember over the next weeks,
I grew closer to Him.
We stayed up on electronic devices,
That burned our eyes in the dark,
Desperate to learn every inch of each others minds.
Desperate to find what two children could define as 'love'.
Seeing now how I do,
Back then,
We were naive.
I remember when he kissed me.
In front of the arch of a classroom door.
The feeling within the pit of my stomach was boiling with newness.
The attachment of our lustful lips was short and sweet.
I never knew it would grow into such a monster.
A monster that planned to consume me.
I remember the day it finally happened.
His burning hair slightly tousled in a disarray of curls.
He held in his hand,
His heart; Symbolized physically with a heart-shaped necklace.
Also his history; Symbolized physically by a glass rose.
I felt a symphony of chaotic butterflies rampaging around my stomach.
I quickly and rashly accepted Him.
I remember the first few bad encounters we had,
The ones that were oh so unpleasant.
The way he spoke to me,
The way his harsh words tore through another layer of my skin.
I couldn't afford anymore skin layers being pierced then.
But in time,
I had though it would get better,
And... It did... For a moment.
For a moment too late.
