Dan and Phil Imagines

demons (dan)

demons (dan)

Trigger warning: might remind you of your insecurities (but you're perfect the way you are!)

You never really got the concept of demons...not until now, of course.

Your best friend, Dan, had his demons. During the rare times of 1:00 AM, he'd ring you and tell you about how they were back—more vicious and detrimental than ever.

"They" never had a name; not until 8th grade. You were in 6th grade at that time, when Dan's demons would come and scare him so much to the point where he needed someone else to confide in during those times.

When his demons did haunt him at the ungodly hours of the day, you'd listen to what they had to say. Often, Dan would say, "My demons know..." They knew more about him than he did; they bullied him and his insecurities. You knew his demons, and you were there, telling him those things weren't true, and you'd sing to him softly until he stopped sobbing and fell asleep. Dan knew his demons. He hated them. But in the end, you both picked up the pieces and built him up again.

Your demons started when you were heading to bed.

You did your nightly routine of brushing your teeth and washing your face, but you noticed you were putting on a few calories on your cheeks over the recent summer.

"You're getting fat; why don't you just admit it?" The first-ever demon of yours said. Your eyebrows furrowed in deep thought as you tore the towel away from your face after drying them. That voice sounded suspiciously like Dan's demons. You chose to ignore it for now and go to bed, not wanting to fuss over that little voice in your head.

Over the summer, you and Dan talked about his demons, never about yours—you knew that'd only lead Dan to be too overprotective of you to let you be. You never told Dan about your budding demons inside your head, who bullied you more often than you'd like to admit. Every day, they grew into something more and more, their momentum getting more and more intense by the hour—cacophonies of insults and obscenities everywhere. Their whispers at 4:00 AM were extremely discordant, but their one true message was clear; they hated you. They despised each and every single part of you.

With time, you began to notice what your demons were saying were actually sad truths—you were putting on a little more weight than usual, your skin was ugly, and your only friends were Dan and Phil. And your dog, Reese. And Dan's dog, Swaggy, and Phil's, whose name was Ashleigh. Your thighs were growing wider at a fast rate. You started to submit to their insults, starting to think that you were getting fat, and you started to bud a hatred for yourself.

Then one fateful night, it came. The night you thought you'd never come across with.

Dan called at around exactly 1:34 AM. At this time, you were rushing a 1000 word essay you had on LGBTQ+ people, and so far, you only had 519 words. Your phone rang; you, Dan and Phil in a picture you took at the amusement park you went to one time flashing on the screen, your phone telling you that it was time for you and Dan's nightly sessions. You picked up with a small hello, careful not to startle him. Not as usual, he was sobbing very, very softly. His moans of sadness were barely audible. You knew something was up when he said his demons told him a secret no one else knew, until now. Puzzled. You asked what the secret was.

"They said they haunted you as well," Dan croaked out. "Please tell me they're lying, (Y/N). Tell me they're wrong, (Y/N). Sing to me and tell me they're wrong — tell me what they're saying isn't true."

For a long period of time, you were silent. Your eyes started to blur with tears as you held the phone close to your ear. Holding your other hand to your mouth to muffle the noise, you sobbed, each sob taking seemingly an infinite amount of time to get to the other. Dan asked why you were crying. Shaking your head, you said, "No, I don't have demons, Dan."

"I have hell."

***

The next day, at around after dinner, you found yourself waiting for Dan at the park. The exact same park you and Dan met at when you were wee little children. You waited on a park bench, getting odd looks from the occasional clusters of people as they passed by. You ignored them, enveloping yourself in a few minutes of silence while staring at the stars.

And so came the demons along with the silence.

Very recently, instead of thinking of silence as sweet serenity, you thought of it as an excuse for your demons to haunt you again. They came along, whispering not-so sweet things into your ears. You cursed at yourself for leaving your earphones at home.

He'll never come...

He lied to you...

Don't be such an idiot, you knew Dan never loved you...

Yes, you did have feelings for Dan! Your demons always knew where to push your buttons. They always knew where and where not to aim to make you cry, and you hated them for that. Silently, you wiped a stray tear that had never meant to come out, and looked for any sign of Dan. None at all.

He doesn't love you.

What's the use of loving when you know you're going to get hurt, anyway? Stupid girl.

You actually think Dan loves you? Look at yourself in the mirror and talk to me again.

You're ugly.

You're ugly.

You're ugly.

You were never worth the sacrifice your parents made.

Shaking your head, you denied the demons' detrimental voices. Those things weren't true. Yes, your parents did scold you from time to time, but that was because they cared for you. They didn't want you getting hurt, and you understood that. You knew your parents loved you, and you loved them as well. You shrugged your demons away too many times to count, until Dan finally came up and pulled you into a hug. Confused, you hugged back. You asked why he called you over, and he answered with nothing but a tighter hug.

"Whatever your demons say, they aren't real," he said, stroking your hair silently as tears streamed like a waterfall down your face. "They aren't real. I love you and I'm here for you."

"You don't love me," you answered. "Nobody loves me. I'm worthless."

Dan only tightened his grip around you. "You aren't worthless," he said. "You're beautiful in my eyes, and I bet everyone thinks so too."

You complained about how that wasn't true. Yet, he stopped you.

His lips found their way softly onto yours, completely silencing you. Your eyes widened at his actions, but you closed them and savored the moment of missing peace you had managed to elude for these past few days. He pulled away slowly, and your demons stopped screaming.

"You are beautiful," he looked deeply into your eyes. "No matter what they say."