What It's Like To Be Me

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Middle school was a very hard time for me. My depression started in middle school. I never thought much of it, because I didnt know what it was at the time. I lost every single person I knew, because I isolated myself from everybody. I thought I didn't belong so why would I be with them if I don't belong. Isolating myself only lasted for a little bit, because I decided this suffering isnt worth it. I need to do something to change it, so I decided that I am going to try and fit in even if it meant I was uncomfortable.

    Making this decision was one of the hardest decisions I have made. I had to weigh the pros and cons. Pro I would have friends again. Con I would be uncomfortable. Pro everyone would accept me. The pros ended up winning. I was now getting rid of my tomboy self and saying hello to the new girly me.

    When I told my mom I wanted more girly clothes it was the happiest I have seen her. She was so happy I was finally becoming the little girl she always wanted, and becoming my true self. She took me as soon as she could to go shopping for clothes. It felt weird trying on all these clothes.

She would constantly be showing me new clothes saying How about this,

I would always respond with Sure or Ok.

I tried on handfuls of clothes one after another. As soon as I was done trying on just one outfit she would be back with more clothes. All of the clothes I tried on felt uncomfortable on me, but if they looked girly then oh well. I ended up getting some tight fitting shirts, some short shorts, and much more. I felt bad, because my mom wasted money on me when I dont feel happy or comfortable in these clothes.

    The shopping lasted all day. After we were done we stopped for supper. We stopped at Red Robin.

Where she told me I am so proud that you are becoming your true self. I was starting to get worried that you would never be girly, but now you are and I couldnt be happier. What do you think about redoing your room?

I said That sounds like a great idea.

    Two weeks later we started on my room. My mom and I had a lot of fun painting it. I think we painted more of each other then the actual room. The room ended up being painted a light green. My mom also got a new comforter that had flowers all over it.

    When I wore the clothes to school everyone noticed. I hated it. All I could keep thinking was this isnt me this isnt me. Why am I doing this? I thought. At this rate I will never be able to be my true self. As I kept thinking these things, and things continued to get worse.