Heart of A Panther

He was again in the balcony smoking. He seems to pick up that habit again. It was almost a routine. Wake up in the middle of night. Sneakily get out of bed without disturbing his sleeping fiancee. Get out in balcony. And smoke couple of cigerattes. He knew, Sayo hated this.

He had almost dropped this habit for her. She hated the smell of nicotine and usually rejected his kiss after his 'smoke session'.

But with impending war that they didnot seem to avoid at any cost, he picked up his smoking again.
Still he made sure to smoke outside and at night to keep her oblivious to the fact.

He knows, she will be hurt again. She will be unhappy with this fact. But he couldn't help himself.

Back then he had entered that whole 'Gransazer' faisco for fun, without knowing the seriousness of situation, and when things got serious he had taken everything with equal importance.

But could he dive head first into this war again now?

Back then he didnot have anything to loose. He was a struggling designer. He had no fortune to loose. He had no fixed life. He was playboy at heart and would flirt with anything in skirt.
But now?

He ran his free hand through his bangs that she loved so much, and looked over his shoulder to, at his love. She was deep in sleep. Soft breaths.

Could he fathom to drag her into this danger again? Could he fathom to leave her behind if he were to die?

Last time, they won and avoided the war because their enemy had underestimated them. But this time... This time, they won't repeat that mistake.
Sighing in frustation, he lighted another cigar and took a long drag out of it.

He was scared now. Ofcourse not for her. She was a formidable fighter herself. She could hold her own fort against any enemy.

His breath hitched at the thought of losing her. For last few days he had been having nightmares. And he always woke up drenched in sweats. Almost screaming out her name.

Looking heavenward, he prayed for her wellbeing. Physical and mental. She had gone through enough trials of life. She didn't need another. That would definitely shatter her sanity. And once her sanity slips...there will be no telling about the bloodshed.

Days seem to get bleaker and bleaker as they pass. As if preparing itself for doomsday.
He would get insane urge to hide his tail between his legs and run with his Sayo in tow. Some nagging voice in the back of his head telling him to hightail out of this.

He gloomily shakes his head, acting on his instincts is totally out of question. Where would they run? Where would he hide her? Nowhere was safe anymore. Only hope of surviving was retailating back. Facing them head on.

If only he could work up enough courage. Sayo was his strength. She was the reason for him to wake in the morning and face the life. She was the reason he was happy.

But she was also his weakness. She was the reason he wanted a easy way out. Wanted to run like a coward. To keep her safe.
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She watched him silently. It had been straight nine days. From last nine days Jin had been waking up in middle of night soaked is sweat, panting and scared shitless. He had been fighting some nightmare he could not share.

And it worried her. From last nine days he had re-picked his habit of smoking. He had dropped it few months ago. Then it shouldn't be hard for him to ignore the temptation.

She knew he was tensed and worried. But he should have come to her, share with her, not with some sort of nicotine wrapped in paper that can rapidly cut your life down. She was way too worried. This wasn't like him. He was not the one to keep secrets from her.