February 14th, 2015...
Jake asked his dad to pay for private access to the local beach in our town for Valentines day. At the beach, he somehow convinced me to skinny dip with him. After playing in the water, we had a cute picnic with exotic food and drinks prepared for us. The night was perfect, and I never wanted it to end. I decided to sleep over at his house that night. We stayed up all night talking about our future then silence but the right kind of silence, the one where you cherish the time you have with them. He climbed on top of me and started kissing me. After a while of fooling around, we had sex for the 1 billionth time. This time, it felt different. I couldn't place my fingers on it, but I had a sickening feeling in my stomach as if it was a foreshadow of the future. I fell asleep almost immediately just to escape from my thoughts. Jake and I went to the gym the following Saturday. There was a blond girl who had her eyes on Jake the minute he walked in. That day was the third time I had seen her and every time without fail she would try to talk to him. This time, it was different. He conversed with her for a considerably long amount of time. He could tell that I was jealous, but he kept talking to her. What amazed me the most was that they exchanged numbers right in front of me. I was furious, but I said nothing to him until we got to his house. "Why are you so quiet babe?" he said inattentively as he looked at his phone. "Oh nothing, just wondering why you swapped numbers with that girl," I said as I took a sip of Arizona Iced Tea. "Oh my gosh Ada, that was nothing. She told me she knew a personal trainer that was better than the one I have now. She gave me her number so we could keep in touch when she contacts the Trainer." I let go of it and forgave him because I was too tired to have an argument. I slept over at his place again, and we got high off the xanies he earlier purchased.
Oh, yea I forgot to mention this, I occasionally participated in drugs thanks to Jake and his junkie friends. I mean back then I didn't think much of it. We usually did it before we had sex, so it amplified the feeling.
After a month of going to the gym with Jake and seeing the girl push herself all over him, I got irritated, so I decided to investigate. I barely had any friends, so I had to do this all on my own. One day Jake forgot to lock his phone, and he got a text from a girl called 'Jenny.' It read "last night was amazing, I could barely walk afterward, hope to see you soon xx." I immediately starting shedding tears. "Its got to be the girl from the gym. How could he do this to me?" He walked in with his phone still in my hand; I throw it at him, and he yelled at me asking what had gotten into me. "Who the fuck is Jenny?" I screamed with tears ferociously falling on my face. "How dare you go through my messages?" he said as he screamed back at me. "Answer my goddamn question!" I screamed back. "You know what, I'm going to leave. Fuck you and Jenny" I said as I hurriedly ran towards his room to get my bag. On my way out, I saw a bag full of Percocet and Xanax, and I quickly put it in my bag and ran out of his house.
I called an Uber to take me back home. My parents were surprised to see me back so soon because I was supposed to stay with him for the whole week. They noticed that something was wrong, but I denied everything and headed straight to my room. The next week, I texted Jake asking him to meet me in the cafe close to my house so we could talk about what went wrong. Long story short, we broke up. He said things weren't the same anymore. He was bored of us and wanted a little adventure. He broke my heart into unfixable pieces. He looked at me, you know, the way he does it, deep into my eyes and told me 'I was too stressful to manage' and he got tired of pretending to love me still. He decided to leave.
I was a mess, and I cried non-stop for hours. Suddenly, I remembered that I had the pills in my bag. I contemplated about ending my life because the only reason I was able to live happily in the first place was that Jake was the only one who accepted me the way I was. He loved me, but I still love him. I made up my mind. I took more than a handful of the Xanax and the Percocet mixed and downed it. I got into the bath, played my favorite album from 'The Safe', and I slept.
